Exhausted

When I wake up feeling exhausted from a good nights sleep, I know what kinda day my body is going to have. I just want to climb back in bed and sleep it off but duty calls. I will go to work anyway with affirmation of thankfulness and joy to be alive to feel the pain.

Thank you Jesus for giving me another day to live for you and share you with others.

Hospital Week

It’s officially Friday (the 13th for you superstitious ones) y’all! 🙌

I WON!

This week was hospital week and I just so happen to work in a little rural hospital. Even though I work in the office part, I still got to be a part of the daily shenanigans.

We have two lovely souls that run our HR department and each day this week they had a sweet little something for the entire hospital. The theme for the week was travel. Each day we traveled to a different country. It was sure a fun week of daily games, food, drinks, and fun. We also played a week long bingo game. Fortunately, I did get a bingo on Thursday and was gifted a $25 gift card to Best Buy. I was so stoked that I actually won something. 😂 Now to figure out what to buy with it 🤔

For todays finale they had breakfast for us all and a special “surprise” if we wore our badge while getting our plate. I was very happily surprised when they were handing each one of us a gift certificate for gasoline! Y’all that is so HUGE for us employees and our tiny little hospital.

I just wanted to give a shout out to my hospital family, especially our HR department, for always showing us such appreciation. It’s the little things that keep us motivated to work hard, even through those frustrating days. Our CEO is so good to us all, from the bottom all the way up, and he is always showing us his appreciation.

Do you hate your life?

Someone told me they hate their life the other day. My response was well I don’t hate mine. I love my life! I really do.

Life is what you make of it. If you’re negative all the time and only focus on the negative things that happen every day then you’re going to think and produce negativity in everything you do and say. What you’re putting in, through tv, games, people you’re around, etc, if it’s rarely anything positive then you will only produce negative thoughts, behavior, and words say about yourself and to others.

I have told my kids their entire lives that you are who you run with because it’s so true. If you run with negative you’ll produce negative. In every single situation, whether it be good or bad, there is ALWAYS positive. We may not always be able to find it in the moment, but it’s always in there. Negativity is easy to find. Positive is harder so we must seek it out.

So, no matter what life throws your way, choose to be joyfully happy and find the positive in each situation, instead of focusing on the bad stuff and reproducing that.

😃 Don’t Worry; Be Happy 😃 It really is a choice we get to make for ourselves.

Mothers Day 2022

Mother’s Days for me are a bit different from the traditional get togethers in celebration of Mom. I am still appreciated just from a distance. I know without a doubt that I am always loved, even when they aren’t allowing me into their lives for one reason or another.

Like any other family, we don’t always see eye to eye…but God right!?! ♥️ God remains true to His promises so I just keep seeking for His Devine intervention and healing.

My babies and grand babies live thousands of miles away due to the military life they’ve chosen and I couldn’t be more proud of each one of them than I am today! And, while their dad and I didn’t choose this lifestyle for them we’ve always encouraged ALL of our babies, even our “nother” babies, to chase their dreams but to always chase after Gods will for their lives rather than their own. My motto for them, since they were very young, has been “always do your very best and let God do the rest” but no matter where life takes any one them, I will forever be their biggest supporter.

My husband and I are blessed beyond belief!

It’s been a while…

Well I will be back at it, prayerfully. I took a long break from writing because what I want to write about, I think to my self that I probably shouldn’t. But it is my life and this is my blog so I can write about what’s happening in my life right!?!

Gonna keep praying about how and what to say but I am for sure ready to begin writing, journaling, blogging again.

Hurt Heart

Words hurt and can’t be taken back as I’ve learned the hard way for most of my adult life. The closer with Christ I learn to walk/live the statement in the photo has proven to be more and more accurate. We know a true Christian by how they act, respond, talk, live, etc. Jesus was the only perfect human to ever walk the earth. In saying that, we must remember that walking with Christ doesn’t make any human perfect in any way. Nor does it make us “better than” any other human on earth. It does however, mean that we should do our level best to represent Him in every way to the best of our abilities. When we do wrong or say wrong, especially when upset, angered, or frustrated, we must repent and ask forgiveness from God and the person we’ve offended intentionally or unintentionally.

Repentance (turning from wickedness and seeking Gods forgiveness) is something that we must do moment to moment on the daily. Then we must apologize to those that we’ve hurt, whether it be an intentional hurt or not! People know Christian’s by how we treat others, not by mere words alone. Words can be lies used to get something or to make a person seem like they are one way when truly they aren’t that way at all. Lies are NEVER good! A persons actions, whether hurtful or not, speak louder volume than words ever will. Don’t let your actions hinder another persons walk that is still growing in the areas you may have already matured in. We each grow at different paces. We each have our own “demons”, and/or faults, that we battle on the daily.

Don’t be afraid or ashamed to admit failure and repent from it. Don’t be afraid to admit failure to another human being that you’ve wronged either. It is okay to say “I’m sorry! I screwed up”….(for me)once AGAIN! We’re ALL human and WE ALL screw up and make mistakes.

Ever Wonder?

Do you ever wonder what God means by something spoken to you by The Holy Spirit?

The other morning I was driving to work and decided to turn my radio off and ride to town in silence. I was simply talking out loud letting the Lord know that I was driving my 30 minute journey to work in silence with full expectation of hearing Him and nothing else. I stopped talking and simply listened. So often we are constantly listening to music, tv, etc, or surfing the web, Facebook, YouTube, etc and we forgot to simply listen to God. ✋ Anyone? 🤚

I turned around and pulled over to get this photo of Gods beauty.

So that particular morning I wanted to hear from only God. I’ve been, and continue, praying and seek His advice but I haven’t heard a response or maybe I just haven’t been listening for one. After have been driving for about ten minutes already in silence, I came to the point where I usually get to as the sun is in the process of rising. I turned and looked out my passenger window to see it’s beauty, as I always do, but that morning was different than any of them. That morning I seen the beams of light shining beautifully as the hint of sun was beginning to peek over the horizon. The grass glistened from the shine and the road seemed to never end. And it was in that very moment, that God spoke to me ever so plainly. Had I have been listening to the radio, as I do most every morning, I’d have probably missed it. I might’ve missed hearing The Lord over the radio chatter plainly speak the words “Rise Up” to me through The Holy Spirit that dwells within me. And I’ve heard it every day since.

I sat and watched for a few minutes…

However, I’m not sure yet what exactly God is telling me by those two simple words. Who knew two words could be so hard to understand.

There are a few specific things I pray about and have for quite some time. I know that God is referencing my prayers but I just do not know how to “Rise Up” exactly in the way God intends for me to.

I am now praying for clarity in His response, while listening more often, in total and complete silence.

Fork In The Road

Do you ever feel like you’re at a fork in your road of life and so fearful of picking the wrong path that you choose to stay straight?

I believe it’s the salad fork that has three prongs. While I’ve never understood the logic in the different prongs on forks, for this particular analogy I’m gonna choose the three pronged fork.

Suppose each individual prong is guiding you into different demential places of your life. For me, one prong continues on the path I’m on right now. I continue to follow it daily and do what is expected of me. Sure I’m happy on this path, because it makes everyone happy around me, but it’s kinda boring. That’s the middle prong. There’s no curves, it’s the strongest supported prong of the three, but it is very straight forward. Then there’s the option to choose the right prong. In the right direction, there’s a little bit of a curve but I’d be goin down a path that God has for me, which is ever changing and rarely seems to make sense to the humanist parts in me yet gets me excited about living. Then there’s a third prong that curves toward the left. Now that’s the prong that would definitely be most confusing to me. Following down the left prong would lead me in a direction that would destroy the very part of me that God wants to use. It would cause me to begin tearing apart at the seams little by little. I would eventually be led away from everything that I know and love. All of the “familiar” in life would be lost. Sure it’d be fun and adventurous for a time but eventually I’d get lonely and have regret. None of those attributes comes from God so I have no desire for that path. So in my fork in life there’s the one path that I know for sure I don’t ever wanna go down.

Now I’m left with only two prongs to choose from. There’s the path I’m on in the middle that is the most stable and less terrifying because I know what to expect on it and it’s comfortable. Then there’s the scary path for me. The one that I know I’m called to be on but am terrified to choose because of the fear of the unknown and I don’t know hows. I feel like I’d have no sense of direction but it’s the path of obedience and the one I should be on, even at the risk of failure.

While I do love change and challenges in life, the scariest change for me is the fear of losing those that I love and feeling like a failure all over again. In that fear, it keeps me on the path of least resistance. It also causes me to miss out on so many blessings that God has for me. I know He has blessings awaiting me because He has shown them to me. What I don’t know is how to let go and let God work His magic. How do I follow a path that I fear of messing up on? I don’t wanna let God down again. I don’t wanna fail with something He’s entrusted me with again.

How do I trust God more than I doubt myself? I allow myself to cause such self doubt that it has me paralyzed. Having such doubt and absolutely no confidence in myself of choosing the “right thing” from God, and knowing how to do what He’s requesting of me, that is keeping me on the middle prong in my own fork in the road.

Relationships

Even when it hurts…

I watched a movie this evening that I had watched before but forgotten most of the scenes of. After it started I remembered the story line but decided to watch it again anyway just to refresh my memory of how it all played out. Plus, I figured, given that it’s also a comedy it’s a win win cuz who doesn’t love to laugh right!?!

Without going into the name of it, it’s actors, etc., I’ll attempt to sum it up in a brief explanation, to the best of my ability, and make the point that I got out of it.

The movie from my prospective, in short, is about a woman that has excelled in her career without having had much education at all. However, in her attempt to “climb the ladder” of her success it seems she had hit a rather unremovable road block. Her life long bff helps persuade her into taking a job that she had acquired through lies about her achievements. So while moving out the door of her stale career path and heading into a remarkable world of opportunity that turned out to be, in the end, the best thing that had ever happened to her she’s had a HUGE encounter with someone from her past. While falling in love with her new found daughter, she’d given up for adoption in her teenage years, she seems to have lost any future with the love of her life and boyfriend of five years. However, her career is at an all time high until…all the lies and hidden secrets begin to unravel.

Of course I’m leaving out the majority of the movie as to not ruin it for any of you that haven’t watched it. If you have watched it then you’ll know the movie I’m writing about and may decide to watch again yourself.

Now, stick with me and let’s move on.

The moral I got from the movie is sort of a “punch line” said during the movie by the boyfriend. Their relationship began on a lie, or rather a hidden secret that she never told him about, and one that she similarly repeats in the overwhelming love that she’s acquired for her new found daughter.

“No relationship based on lies will ever survive” packs a powerful punch to me. It is what the boyfriend says to her at one point during the movie. That statement has resonated with me ever since I heard him say it while watching the movie. It’s on repeat in my brain now as I’ve been pondering why it’s stuck there.

So let’s now shift from the movie and into my own life’s relationships. Again, without going into extreme details and, of course, no names will be given but it has given me one of those “💡” moments as it plays over and over again in my brain.

It has become one of those “TADAAAAA” moments to me all of a sudden but I now understand a particular relationship that I’ve been at such a loss about in my life for several years now. A relationship that started out beautifully but has become a thorn that I can’t seem to get to fester for healing. One that has destroyed a part of me that idk if I’ll ever be the same from. As I live and breathe it’s oxygen sucking toxicity at times, I have a love for it that is confusingly exhausting to me when I attempt to understand it. It’s one of those love/hate relationships that tonight I FINALLY get. I finally understand it somewhat 🙄 Duh 🤦‍♀️ It’s because ANY and all relationships built on lies will never last.

What a powerful statement that is.

Nehemiah

Gods Word

Have you ever read through the entire book of Nehemiah in the Bible?

Well, I hadn’t until tonight.

So so good!

In reading through Nehemiah tonight I’ve come to realize that lots of the same struggles I, and the world, face day to day is very similar to what they faced in the days Jesus walked the earth.

Is that not weirdly exciting to you! I mean we aren’t facing a single thing that hasn’t already been faced and walked through with God. That’s absolutely GOOD GOOD NEWS y’all!

Any-who; As I was reading, one of things that stuck out to me the most is how Nehemiah would pray before each response to the enemies. I highlighted each prayer he said so that I can read them easily, especially at a quick glance.

Oh how I pray I can be more like Nehemiah, not only in his praying but in his faithfulness to God Almighty.

“Our God will fight for us!” 4:20b

What a great role model.

Below is my favorite prayer that I read in the book of Nehemiah. I pray that it blesses you as it did me.

Part1:Just read the highlighted prayer. It’s a fantastic read…
Part2:Finish it; Be blessed

Be sure to read the entire book as not to pick and choose the scriptures out of context.

Peace and blessings to ya, Louann

Worst Flare Up To Date

Having had 3 flare ups already this month, I knew when I woke up that morning it was going to be an RA/Fibro flare kinda day but this has been the worst one yet. For what ever reason, flares are happening more often than what I’m used to. My daily meds aren’t seeming to help much anymore. 🤔

(Meme found online)

When my alarm went off to begin my work day, I could barely roll over to even hit the snooze button. After snoozing a few times I managed to get myself up enough to sit up on the side of my bed to wake my body up completely. I do this every single morning but this particular morning the “stiffness” was so intense that my body felt as if it had been injected with the thickness of molasses or something. My body seemed so heavy that the movement seemed to me as if I was moving in slow motion. It was like watching a turtle cross the road and impatiently waiting as to not kill the poor thing from trying to hurry it along. The pain radiated from each movement and felt like the heat coming off of an intense fire was racing through my joints. I knew I needed a hot shower to help get me moving a bit better or I wasn’t gonna be able to even get dressed. Usually a hot shower feels good and will loosen my joints up enough to move but that morning the shower didn’t even help me like it normally does. Not wanting to allow my body to control my day, I got dressed and went off to work pushing through the intense pain. Typically putting my mind to work offsets the miserable feeling that’s happening within my body that is unexplainable to others.

We all take a day off to play hooky once in a while. Those days are enjoyable right!?! But to take a day off or have to leave early because my body is not lining up with what my mind wants it to do is down right aggravating. I don’t like having to miss work, especially for reasons beyond my control such as a stupid flare up.

Eventually I did make it to work and wasn’t late by the 8 a m standard. However, I felt late because I am always there early to get logged into my stuff and be ready to work at 8 a m. As the day progressed, I got worse. I was beginning to convince myself that I had picked up a bug or something. I just wasn’t able to function like how a “normal” RA/Fibro day goes for me. I had eaten breakfast and it didn’t bother me but by lunch time, I was afraid to even eat because of how I felt. My stomach was so queasy that I just didn’t want to take any chances. I hate to throw up!

As the day went on, my stomach felt more and more queasy and I began to get a mild headache from the nausea. Eventually, around 1:30, I ran to the bathroom and vomited. I felt some what better. So I thought okay, now I am good. Well it didn’t last long. I tried to stay at work to keep my mind occupied and off of the pain. Finally, around 3 I felt like I was gonna puke again so I decided it best to journey home and try to just sleep it off. After about 20 minutes of driving, takes me 35 minutes to get home, I wound up pulling over and got sick on the side of the road. Once I did make it home, I laid down and slept for almost two hour. When I woke up, I was fine. I was back to my “normal” every day pain levels. The nausea was gone, no headache, I had some energy, I could maneuver my body and I knew that flare up had passed. I was able to eat supper and everything.

That’s the worst flare up I’ve had to date. My first time to actually vomit from one.

Thankfully I am blessed enough to have some amazing co workers that refuse to let me allow myself to go down a “whoa is me”, staying mad at myself for such stupidity type of a rabbit hole. They can tell when I need help and I won’t even have to ask. They just help me. I couldn’t have asked for better co workers in my life.

(Meme found online)

Anyone living with Rheumatoid Arthritis, especially with the Fibromyalgia crap too, can relate to these types of flares. Being tired for us isn’t just the tired someone feels from a long sleepless night or a long hard days work, it is down right debilitating fatigue to the point of our mind is in a fog and our body just doesn’t work correctly. We forget, get confused, and totally go blank even on the easy stuff that just comes naturally to us on our “normal” days. We just want to sleep 🛌! Plus sleeping helps us to not feel the pain.

During such flare days, I won’t even recognize that I need help most times but those that I am around the most can tell when I’m just not being myself. My husband especially. He is my rock star! I could NOT make it through this disease without such help from him and those people around me that just know, especially when the brain fog is so horrible that I don’t even recognize how “off” my day is going, that I need help to make it through my day. They never ask what can they do, they just do!

I hate this disease and what’s happening to my body and mind that is beyond my control but I do love my life and those that God has placed in it. I would never want to do this life alone.

Thank you to those that just know. I am so grateful and love each of you beyond measure!

Thanksgiving 2020

Happy Thanksgiving 🦃

In light of the year it’s been, this Thanksgiving’s “thankful for’s” could be very different from years past. I know mine is but in everything we are to be thankful.

“Rejoice always and delight in your faith; be unceasing and persistent in prayer; in every situation [no matter what the circumstances] be thankful and continually give thanks to God; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.”
‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:16-18‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Scripture tells us that Jesus will have a second coming and that we should be prepared for that day, every day, because we do not know the day nor the hour of His return.

“But of that [exact] day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son [in His humanity], but the Father alone. For the coming of the Son of Man (the Messiah) will be just like the days of Noah.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭24:36-37‬ ‭AMP‬‬

So for 2020’s world changing year, I am thankful that Jesus has given me a second (multiple) chance (chances) to get my affairs in order. While I am saved, this trying year has taught me that I need to prepare more than ever for Jesus’ return. Some things I thought were important to me aren’t as important as I thought while other things I thought weren’t so important are very important. Thank you Jesus for never giving up on me!

So, what are you thankful for this year? Comment below…

Broken and Beautiful

Kelly Clarkson sings a song called “Broken and Beautiful” and it is so relatable for me because I feel so broken, most days, these days BUT GOD and loved ones y’all; right!?!

Broken and Beautiful (YouTube screen shot)

I live with lots of chronic pain in my entire body, due to a few medical issues, that causes me to live with so much pain around the clock. Some days it’s “hide-ably” tolerable and some days it hurts to just wake up! Lots of days, I just wanna sleep and not wake up until the pain hurts no more.

So many Dr’s!!!!! So many surgeries!!!!! So many “Let’s Try This!” So many “Lets Run This Test.” So many “Xrays and blood work!” So many unknowns but let’s keep seeking for answers until I am so sick of it all!!!!!😫

My most recent surgery, just 5 weeks ago, was for them to put in a nerve stimulator implant in my back. For those that don’t know what that is, it’s a machine that’s basically an internal Tens Unit that blocks the nerve signals that go to my brain telling my brain that I feel pain. While it has helped, it’s not as helpful as we’d hoped. I would say it’s helped by maybe 30% when it’s turned on.

As I type this, it’s 2:20 A M and I can’t sleep. And since I’m awake, I feel the aches and burns going on through out my entire body. In my shoulders, arms and hands I feel aches, throbs, burns, down to my finger bones hurting so bad at times that I just shake them off and hang them down to my sides for a few seconds of that momentary cold sensational relief. Some times I just wanna take em off and set em aside for a bit, swap em out with another pair, massage them momentarily, just something for some kind of relief! This is not what the stimulator is for, that’s for my feet, legs, lower back, and hip pain (which didn’t help my left hip much at all). To be fair though, I rarely mention my shoulders, hands, and arm pains at all because there’s so much other crap that hurts way worse.

I don’t know how to explain it, all I can say is I just HURT ALL OVER and I don’t know why. I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want more freaking medicine. I don’t want another dang surgery. I rarely even want to be touched but I don’t want to be rude. I don’t want to seem mean to any one. I don’t want to hurt anyones feelings. I don’t want to hurt anymore PERIOD! So, to avoid things in this paragraph, I stay home a lot more.

So much of this unexplainable pain just makes me so danged irritable at times. I have gotten to where I just avoid being around people and certain situations all together. I rarely get out and about by myself anymore because I never know from moment to moment what I’m going to be able to tolerate because the pain changes from day to day through out each and every single day. Simply put; I just hurt and I don’t want it to become an excuse for any thing in my life but it’s very debilitating at times. Thankfully though the migraines have almost completely stopped since my neck surgery was done in December of last year. So that’s a positive praise! Thank you Jesus!

I just simply have “unexplainable chronic pain” that’s un-relatable to anyone and everyone around me therefore it’s hard for you to understand. Just know that some days are good days for me and some days are bad but more often than not I just “fake the smiles” to make it through the day with as little complaining as possible because I don’t want to be a burdensome person to anyone. However, I do love deeply and I want y’all to know that I truly appreciate ALL of the prayers and support from you all! I feel ya 🤟♥️

To those of you that do show me true genuine love and support (not just when ya want something) through all of the “maybe this’ll help” processes that I continue to go through to find relief, I love you from the depth of my being and I apologize for not being able to physically help any of you but I do pray that I’m there for you, as you are for me, to the best of my abilities because without God and y’all I don’t know how I’d cope with this life.

So thanks for just being your true selves y’all 😊 #ILYMTTYBLTT❤️

Purpose for Pain

Oddly Enough devotion by Carolanne Miljavac

When we take our eyes off Jesus and focus on self, most of this worldly pain is unbearable.

We must continue the path that God has us on because only He knows the lessons we are to learn and the many lives that’ll be touched by our obedience to Him.

Pain hurts, no matter the reasoning! The lack of understanding that we have toward said pain is why we begin to question God and what He’s allowing to take place in our lives. It’s not until we begin to fully trust Him that the pain becomes tolerable.

Keep your eyes off the world! Stay true to who you are in Christ! While things won’t always make sense, it’ll always be worth it because there’s always life lessons to learn that’ll strengthen our trust and faith in Jesus.

Heartbroken

I don’t know how I’m suppose to feel but I can tell you how I do feel.

A couple of days ago now the news was shared, on a Facebook group that I’m in, about a wreck that took place locally. There were only four comments posted before the comment thread had been turned off as to not allow any more comments, yet the headline simply read “Car Accident” with the picture below attached to it.

Injury Accident.
Pick up truck vs car.

Accidents, in many forms, come about so frequently these days that I never stop to ponder any more if it could be anyone that I may know. I just always have the mind set, with technology today, that surely I’d know by now if it was anyone that I’m close to or related to.

When I read headlines and/or comments about anything like this that takes place, I immediately feel sad for those involved, in any way, but I will usually pray something simple like “God please be with those affected by this and allow them to all be okay” and scroll on as I did with this one.

When my daughter was little she was very active in little league softball, summer league tournament softball, Jr High and High school softball, as well as dance, and even cheerleading. All the way up through her senior year she remained very active in softball and dance, in any way she possibly could, because they were her two favorite things to do. So there were so many of her coaches, teachers, class mates, and even parents that have touched my life and have remained a part of my heart even after all of these years.

Through out my daughters upbringing, she is now 23 and married herself, many of her classmates will forever remain in my heart as I’ve been able to share in their own upbringing and life experiences not only through real life but also through social media life. This allows me to still be able to smile for the joys in their lives and makes me feel that I still get to be a small part of their own life happenings. Through this, even when they don’t know it, I’m cheering them on like I used to do from the side lines and I still get to witness and share in their own life happiness. That’s one of the biggest perks of social media in my opinion.

But rarely do I get to witness or get to be a small part of their heartbreaks and life shattering moments. This is because most people, me included, don’t like to share the true vulnerable parts of their lives for the world to see. We don’t want to let people see inside of our pain and heartaches because they would for sure judge us. Plus that would taint our own outward image of ourselves that we want people to see right. Not that it’s a bad thing necessarily, it’s just how life works for so many of us in today’s world.

As I’m typing this, through so many tears flowing down my face, my own heart feels shattered into many pieces for one particular young lady and her family that touched my heart from my daughters upbringing. She has been a part of my heart from my daughters very first year of little league softball. “God please continue to wrap Your arms around them all as they need You now more than ever before!! In Jesus name I pray, Amen!”

Anyway, when I read that “Car Accident” headline never did I imagine that one of my daughters classmates lives, especially one that I have personally loved since they were in elementary school as well as loving her parents still to this day, would be changed forever!!

Not only are her and her fiancé new parents together but, after having read so many Facebook posts and comments, it seems as if they were the light of one another’s world. It appears as if they’ve been through so much with one another, good and bad, in such a short amount of time.

BUT GOD YALL!

It appears as if they’ve been able to overcome the world together with God as their anchor. God must’ve continued to bring them back to one another because, the way I understand what I was reading typed in their own words, it’s as if God intervened for their relationship to be. God must’ve brought them back to a sense of forgiveness and security with another because He completely healed their relationship for reasons unbeknownst to many of us looking into theirs lives through Facebook. It’s as if God continued to carry them through all the heartache and love the two of them have for one another and even gave them a beautiful baby girl to cherish together in that love. Both of them seem to give God all of the glory for their successful relationship and now parenthood as well.

And as I scrolled through Facebook, two days later now, for reasons that we are never meant to question or understand the three of them were involved in this car accident together as one happy little family only for the young man not to make it!?!

Like “WHAT”!?!

Instinctively I want to know why. I want to know what happened. I want the young lady to know how much I love her. I want her parents to know my heart is shattered with them. I want to know so much, as do so many others, but God doesn’t work the way we want Him to. He doesn’t allow us to know so many things because we wouldn’t be able to handle the answers given to us.

I don’t believe that God “allows” bad things to happen to us but I do believe that everything that happens to us, God uses for good.

So as I type this through the tears and continue to pray for all involved in any minuet way, the thing I want shared most of all, is that only God knows the answers to our why. Only God knows our future. Only God knows how long we get to live and love those that we do. Only God knows why bad things happen to good people every single day. Only God knows ALL things because we aren’t suppose to know! We couldn’t handle to know the answers to every why question that we have. What I do know is that, once the young lady heals and is released from the hospital, she and their daughter are gonna be okay…eventually.

Their baby girl was unharmed physically but she will forever now have to grow up without her biological father and the perks of having him be a active part in her life. So I pray that she grows up to know and cling to the only Father that she’ll ever need and that’s God The Father.

More of what I do know is that this family is a God fearing family that loves the Lord, even through their heartaches, with ever ounce of their being. I do know that their church family and community of loved ones will shower them with such agape love that they will overcome this tragedy and be stronger in their faith because of it. I do know that God will continue to help them heal as a family together. I do know that I am a better person having been able to know them and witness how they love God so deeply in their own walks of life. I do know that I am thankful that God put them in our lives so many years ago. And I do know that I will continue to pray for them, as well as everyone affected by this car accident, with every thought of them that I have.

My thoughts, prayers, and love go out to each of them as I continue to love and pray for them from a distance!

Worship at Home

I woke up this morning with the song “Build My Life” by Housefires in my heart. I don’t know about you but when I wake up with songs in my head like this, I have to listen to it multiple times right then because, to me, I take it as a sign from Holy Spirit that the lyrics are what He’s speaking to me in that moment.

There’s nothing like hearing from God through Holy Spirit!

What greater way to commune with God than worshipping our Lord in privacy, just you and Him, in your room. No eyes watchin you, just you and Holy!! DON’T WORSHIP FOR SHOW YALL! IF YOU CAN WORSHIP IN CHRUCH BUILDING BUT CAN’T WORSHIP IN PRIVATE, CHRCK YOUR HEART!

To me, it is sooooo much greater to worship our Lord and Savior in private y’all. There’s just a movement that is so powerful that it makes me cry, smile, laugh out loud, or fall to my knees in my prayer. There’s just nothing like feeling in tune with Jesus in private!

Once we build our foundation on the true roots of God Almighty, we can’t be shaken. No pain in the world, no holes in your heart, no ignorance of human, no feelings of not being worthy, no sadness in the world, nothin of man kind can tear us down!! Don’t turn your eyes from Jesus! Focus on The Holy Spirit that God fills us with, instead of the aches and pains in day to day life! Live for Jesus, not your kids, not work, not anything of this world!!! Live for Jesus each and every day and He will fill you with what’s needed! MAKE IT A FIRM FOUNDATION in Christ!! Plant the roots so deep in Jesus that not even your kids can reap benefits of hurting you anymore!!

Don’t allow any pain in your heart (what ever that is for you) to take over the roots in Christ!! Strengthen your roots in Christ by reading His Word and praising Him in worship!!

HOLY THERE IS NO ONE LIKE YOU; THERE IS NONE BESIDE YOU; FILL US WITH YOUR HEART LORD!!!
SHOW US ALL LORD!!! SHOW US WHO YOU ARE DURING THE TRIALS OF LIFE!!!!! HELP US TO PUT OUR TRUST IN YOU AND NOT BE SHAKEN!!! MAINTAIN OUR ROOT SYSTEM WITH YOUR LOVE!!! IN JESUS NAME, AMEN!!!

(Picture from Google search)

Just Venting

Can I just be honest for a sec….prob piss some of ya off but, ya know, THAT’S WHAT I DO anyway right so I might as well be honest…if ya love me, ya know my heart is always in the right place. You’ll either let it roll off or let it stick to ya. It’ll either make sense to you or not. And if it really pisses ya off, I just won’t hear from ya again right!?!

It’s what evvvssssss…

Any who, I’ve just watched this #RedNoseDay fundraiser and I love the comedy and the laughter it created this year. It’s really been very enjoyable to watch. Every year millions of dollars are raised to help children in need around the world and that’s great y’all, seriously I’m all for that! Kids do need help from adults every single day!

Moving on…

I get that #covid19 is horrible and it’s killing many people world wide (fact is, it’s not killing as many as what’s being reported because people every where are admitting to lying about it for the gain of money from the government) BUT WHERE ARE THE CELEBRITIES FOR HELPING THOSE DYING FROM ABUSE, SUICIDE, THOSE BABIES (HUMANS TOO) DYING FROM ABORTION, DYING FROM CAR WRECKS, DYING FROM OTHER ILLNESSES BESIDES CANCER(always helped and talked about. I don’t mean that derogatory; it’s a good thang), THAT LIST COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON…I MEAN SERIOUSLY YALL, C’MON ALREADY…ENOUGH WITH THE POUR PITIFUL CORONAVIRUS “INVASION”!!
PEOPLE EVERYWHERE ARE NOW USING CORONAVIRUS AS A TOOL AND TRYING TO MAKE THE WELL PEOPLE FEEL GUILTY OR SOMETHING FOR NOT BEING SICK! IT SUCKS!!! WE ALL KNOW IT SUCKS!!! BUT WE ARE SMART PEOPLES (well mostly)!! WE NOW KNOW WHAT HELPS AS A PREVENTATIVE! USE WHAT YOU’VE BEEN TAUGHT THAT WORKS!
It is sad that people are dying from it, but the MAJORITY of the ill people are NOT DYING from it. People everywhere are dying from much worse and the world hasn’t gone “ALL OUT” (literally) because of it. The world has kept going and living their lives because that’s what we do.
Help those ya can, pray for everyone, use your dadgum BRAINS (that God gave you) and try to prevent yourself and your family from getting sick (which we do every single day anyway) from COVID, or any other airborne illness that’s out there, and MOVE ON WITH LIFE!! If you’re alive, GOD AIN’T DONE WITH YOU YET!!! GET OUT THERE AND MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELVES! HELP OTHERS!! GET HELP IF YA NEED TO!!!

SHARE THE GOOD NEWS OF JESUS WITH ANYONE THAT’LL LISTEN!! LEAN OF GOD, NOT MANKIND!! MANKIND IS A DAILY LET DOWN….GOD WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU!!

Ok, I’m done now. I feel better getting that off my chest.

Peace and blessings to y’all.

Good night!

Dining Out

Finally A Date Night

Our first official “date night” for 2020 was at a Chilis and man was it delicious! I ate every single bite on my plate and that’s rare for me. We even topped off with a shareable slice of cheesecake!

First off let me just say it was so nice to be able to officially “eat out” in a restaurant again! This was the first time in over two months that we’ve been able to “dine in” in Texas.

It was very strange though!

The parking lot had an area designated for pick up only, which left about half for dine in parking. Getting take out to go has been the ONLY way to eat out at all for quite some time now.

We didn’t think much of how the parking lot was set so we just parked where we could and walked inside, not knowing what to expect once we got in there. Governor Abbott has okayed Texans to dine out once again as long as the proper steps are followed for safety and to slow the spread of the Coronavirus.

When we walked in, a young guy met us at the inside door and stopped us from going any further. He was wearing a mask and gloves with paper and pen in hand. He took our name and cell number and said we’d have to wait out in our vehicle because they aren’t allowing anyone to wait in the waiting area inside for now. Understandable I guess givin the ways of the world right now. He said they’d text us when a table for two opened up and we could come back inside then. So we gave him our info and went back to our truck. We waited right at ten minutes, not bad, then we got the text that it was our turn.

So off we go back inside for our wonderful date night supper.

The feeling in the air when we walked in was so strange! They didn’t have a lot of staff that we could see. They had every other table taped off with an x in red tape that covered the table tops. The music wasn’t as ear piercing loud as normal either. I guess because there wasn’t enough chatter happening to echo and bounce off the walls for them to drown out with the music like they’d normally have to.

Every person working was wearing a mask and gloves. You could tell even the staff was uncomfortable and uncertainty loomed over the entire place while signs of appreciation, just for the ability to be working, glistened from their smiles.

We were seated in a booth and our waitress quickly came over and handed us ONE paper menu and stated that they are only giving one menu for every two people and then they toss it into the trash. She was so very nice in explaining their “new normal” as she handed us our drinks and silver ware packets. But she did say she didn’t truly understand the need for it all.

Once we got our appetizer, the salsa dish was served in a “throw away” container. It was just weird! LoL!

Of course we ALL know why these things have changed but we don’t all UNDERSTAND the why. It makes little to no sense to so many of us, including me, why the government is being so controlling in that they are keeping everyone living and feeling so fearful to even touch a menu. It’s risky, yes, but not any riskier than it always has been when it’s virus season, in my opinion.

Anyway, our waitress handled herself very well even though she told us how uncomfortable she was having to wear the mask and use the gloves. The mask makes it hard for so many of us to breathe comfortably while wearing and the gloves do absolutely nothing in stopping the spread, when they aren’t changing them after touching each and every object, so what’s the point? It’s doing more harm than good. They could just as easily use the hand sanitizer more often than to use the gloves that they aren’t changing often enough. She told us that she knew it was for her own protection so she would gladly wear it if it meant she could work and make some much needed money.

Anywho, we had a nice quiet dinner inside a restaurant that we got to leave the mess behind at. Plus, we did NOT have to cook it!

God is Good. All the time!

Texas is slowly but safely beginning to open back up and we couldn’t be more proud!

Dreams

Do you believe that dreams mean something? I know some people that do and some people that don’t. Some dreams are so real sometimes that I’ve woke myself up, more than once, crying real tears. Tonight I had a strange one. It seemed so real during the dreaming time that when I finally woke up, or got woken up I should say, it’s left me scratching the top of my head wondering what it means.

I wonder why we dream at all? Are they significantly purposeful ya think? Do they truly have meanings behind them?

Most nights I don’t have any dreams at all. Some nights I’ll have several in one night. Then there’s those that leave such an impression that it keeps me awake for a while before I can go back to sleep. Then there’s the very few that have left me thinkin on them for days on end.

Tonight it was one of those that’s got me thinkin, staying awake talking to God, and now writing, typing actually, it down for y’all to ponder with me.

Today was like any other day I suppose. My husband and I spent the day together. He went to town this morning to have the oil changed in our car but was back home before I woke up. He’s an early riser ALL THE TIME! I, on the other hand, enjoy sleeping in. I don’t like to be woke up. I’d rather sleep until my body decides it’s had enough rest for one day. Once I did wake up though, we did our usual just hangin out around the house together kinda day. He even cooked us a wonderful supper this evening. We didn’t watch anything out of the norm on tv. Every Friday and Saturday night we watch Live PD then go to bed.

I can’t think of any reason to have the kind of dream that I had, especially to have been woken up by my husband. He said I was hollering for him so loudly that it woke him up. In my dream I know I was trying to yell and couldn’t but I didn’t know it was a dream until he woke me up.

We have two recliners side by side in our living room and, in my dream, I was still in mine but my husband had already laid down. In our bedroom we have a small window unit in and I knew I’d need to holler loud enough for him to hear me over the unit so I was trying to scream but nothing was coming out. It was so weird! It was like I was out of my body hovering over myself and I could see everything so clearly. I was in my recliner and the enemy himself was holding me down and covering my mouth. My entire body was like jello. I couldn’t move! I couldn’t talk! And I sure enough couldn’t scream! I kept trying. I tried to get up only to be shoved back down. I was trying to lift my arms and they literally, from the top view, looked like an episode of Sponge Bob Square Pants where his arms were just wavy. I had no control over them. I finally began trying to shout rebukes in the name of Jesus and I slowly began to regain control over myself. I began to sing “Jesus Loves Me” as loud and mumbling as possible. The more I said Jesus and sang out loud, even though my words weren’t clear, the less the enemy had control over me. I was FINALLY free enough to stand to my feet. Once I stood up I said “Satan you must flee from me IN THE NAME OF JESUS because you have no control over me” and just like that, he fled. Then I began yelling for my husband again and that’s when he woke me up because he heard me in real life yelling his name. He asked if I was alright and told me I must’ve been dreaming then he went right back to sleep and I can’t.

I don’t know how to interpret dreams but there was one man in the Bible named Joseph that could. I wonder what he’d tell me my dream meant?

Frustrating Day

My morning started off pretty good. My husband and I got up and prepared to head out for the hour and a half trip to see my Rheumatologist but we were quickly halted when my husband found that our water heater had been leaking. Thankfully he seen it before we had a complete mess on our hands. The drain pan was almost to the rim full of water. It would not have made it another week until he got back so, after a few calls, he got in touch with a plumber that could replace it TODAY! WooHoo, thank ya Lord! So we gather what info we need from the old one in order to buy a new one.

We finish getting ready to go and head out.

Next stop, Dr office.

That appointment was also a frustrating ordeal. First my husband wasn’t allowed to even go inside with me, due to this covid19 crap, then the lab tech chased a vein in my right arm for a good five minutes before deciding to try my left arm for a good vein. Of course she got it the first stick only for something goofy to happen and her wind up having to chase that vein too for some reason. BUT she was finally able to get her three tubes of blood from that arm so that’s good. The tech was very nice and apologetic during it all, which I greatly appreciated, so that was helpful in keeping my frustration at a minimal. I even told her it was fine, no need to apologize because it just happens that way some times and she appreciated my understanding.

Next stop is Lowe’s for our brand new water heater. So thankful that we had the means necessary in order to purchase a new one but this too took longer than expected. The gentleman that helped us was very nice and LOVED to chit chat. After finally getting what we needed the nice gentleman even helped my husband get it outside and into the back of our pick up.

So, off we go for our journey back home because the plumber we were able to get in touch with will have his “hands” to meet us there. Once the two gentlemen got the tank drained and outside, they began the install of the new one. BUT, you guessed it, they have some unexpected issues with the install and it is now going to take way longer than expected to complete the job.

Thankfully, once they are complete and outta here, all is well once again.

UNTIL it isn’t.

As I began to clean up the mess, not a big one, left behind from the job that has taken several hours to complete, I find that the new water heater is now leaking. I call the plumber and after a few “discussions” on a few different calls, we both agree that it’ll be fine to wait til morning for them to come back and see what’s happening now.

So my husband is back where he needs to be for work and I am off to bed to begin my morning in the morning, once more, with the water heater situation.

Moral of this story you may ask……..I just felt like sharing part of my very frustrating day with y’all and also to share that SATAN DID NOT WIN TODAY!!

I’m now off to lay my frustrations down at the feet of Jesus and have a great night of peaceful rest in spite of my frustrating day.

Hopefully y’all can do the same and have a good night!