Tag Archives: friends

Worst Flare Up To Date

Having had 3 flare ups already this month, I knew when I woke up that morning it was going to be an RA/Fibro flare kinda day but this has been the worst one yet. For what ever reason, flares are happening more often than what I’m used to. My daily meds aren’t seeming to help much anymore. 🤔

(Meme found online)

When my alarm went off to begin my work day, I could barely roll over to even hit the snooze button. After snoozing a few times I managed to get myself up enough to sit up on the side of my bed to wake my body up completely. I do this every single morning but this particular morning the “stiffness” was so intense that my body felt as if it had been injected with the thickness of molasses or something. My body seemed so heavy that the movement seemed to me as if I was moving in slow motion. It was like watching a turtle cross the road and impatiently waiting as to not kill the poor thing from trying to hurry it along. The pain radiated from each movement and felt like the heat coming off of an intense fire was racing through my joints. I knew I needed a hot shower to help get me moving a bit better or I wasn’t gonna be able to even get dressed. Usually a hot shower feels good and will loosen my joints up enough to move but that morning the shower didn’t even help me like it normally does. Not wanting to allow my body to control my day, I got dressed and went off to work pushing through the intense pain. Typically putting my mind to work offsets the miserable feeling that’s happening within my body that is unexplainable to others.

We all take a day off to play hooky once in a while. Those days are enjoyable right!?! But to take a day off or have to leave early because my body is not lining up with what my mind wants it to do is down right aggravating. I don’t like having to miss work, especially for reasons beyond my control such as a stupid flare up.

Eventually I did make it to work and wasn’t late by the 8 a m standard. However, I felt late because I am always there early to get logged into my stuff and be ready to work at 8 a m. As the day progressed, I got worse. I was beginning to convince myself that I had picked up a bug or something. I just wasn’t able to function like how a “normal” RA/Fibro day goes for me. I had eaten breakfast and it didn’t bother me but by lunch time, I was afraid to even eat because of how I felt. My stomach was so queasy that I just didn’t want to take any chances. I hate to throw up!

As the day went on, my stomach felt more and more queasy and I began to get a mild headache from the nausea. Eventually, around 1:30, I ran to the bathroom and vomited. I felt some what better. So I thought okay, now I am good. Well it didn’t last long. I tried to stay at work to keep my mind occupied and off of the pain. Finally, around 3 I felt like I was gonna puke again so I decided it best to journey home and try to just sleep it off. After about 20 minutes of driving, takes me 35 minutes to get home, I wound up pulling over and got sick on the side of the road. Once I did make it home, I laid down and slept for almost two hour. When I woke up, I was fine. I was back to my “normal” every day pain levels. The nausea was gone, no headache, I had some energy, I could maneuver my body and I knew that flare up had passed. I was able to eat supper and everything.

That’s the worst flare up I’ve had to date. My first time to actually vomit from one.

Thankfully I am blessed enough to have some amazing co workers that refuse to let me allow myself to go down a “whoa is me”, staying mad at myself for such stupidity type of a rabbit hole. They can tell when I need help and I won’t even have to ask. They just help me. I couldn’t have asked for better co workers in my life.

(Meme found online)

Anyone living with Rheumatoid Arthritis, especially with the Fibromyalgia crap too, can relate to these types of flares. Being tired for us isn’t just the tired someone feels from a long sleepless night or a long hard days work, it is down right debilitating fatigue to the point of our mind is in a fog and our body just doesn’t work correctly. We forget, get confused, and totally go blank even on the easy stuff that just comes naturally to us on our “normal” days. We just want to sleep 🛌! Plus sleeping helps us to not feel the pain.

During such flare days, I won’t even recognize that I need help most times but those that I am around the most can tell when I’m just not being myself. My husband especially. He is my rock star! I could NOT make it through this disease without such help from him and those people around me that just know, especially when the brain fog is so horrible that I don’t even recognize how “off” my day is going, that I need help to make it through my day. They never ask what can they do, they just do!

I hate this disease and what’s happening to my body and mind that is beyond my control but I do love my life and those that God has placed in it. I would never want to do this life alone.

Thank you to those that just know. I am so grateful and love each of you beyond measure!

Thanksgiving 2020

Happy Thanksgiving 🦃

In light of the year it’s been, this Thanksgiving’s “thankful for’s” could be very different from years past. I know mine is but in everything we are to be thankful.

“Rejoice always and delight in your faith; be unceasing and persistent in prayer; in every situation [no matter what the circumstances] be thankful and continually give thanks to God; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.”
‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:16-18‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Scripture tells us that Jesus will have a second coming and that we should be prepared for that day, every day, because we do not know the day nor the hour of His return.

“But of that [exact] day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son [in His humanity], but the Father alone. For the coming of the Son of Man (the Messiah) will be just like the days of Noah.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭24:36-37‬ ‭AMP‬‬

So for 2020’s world changing year, I am thankful that Jesus has given me a second (multiple) chance (chances) to get my affairs in order. While I am saved, this trying year has taught me that I need to prepare more than ever for Jesus’ return. Some things I thought were important to me aren’t as important as I thought while other things I thought weren’t so important are very important. Thank you Jesus for never giving up on me!

So, what are you thankful for this year? Comment below…

Broken and Beautiful

Kelly Clarkson sings a song called “Broken and Beautiful” and it is so relatable for me because I feel so broken, most days, these days BUT GOD and loved ones y’all; right!?!

Broken and Beautiful (YouTube screen shot)

I live with lots of chronic pain in my entire body, due to a few medical issues, that causes me to live with so much pain around the clock. Some days it’s “hide-ably” tolerable and some days it hurts to just wake up! Lots of days, I just wanna sleep and not wake up until the pain hurts no more.

So many Dr’s!!!!! So many surgeries!!!!! So many “Let’s Try This!” So many “Lets Run This Test.” So many “Xrays and blood work!” So many unknowns but let’s keep seeking for answers until I am so sick of it all!!!!!😫

My most recent surgery, just 5 weeks ago, was for them to put in a nerve stimulator implant in my back. For those that don’t know what that is, it’s a machine that’s basically an internal Tens Unit that blocks the nerve signals that go to my brain telling my brain that I feel pain. While it has helped, it’s not as helpful as we’d hoped. I would say it’s helped by maybe 30% when it’s turned on.

As I type this, it’s 2:20 A M and I can’t sleep. And since I’m awake, I feel the aches and burns going on through out my entire body. In my shoulders, arms and hands I feel aches, throbs, burns, down to my finger bones hurting so bad at times that I just shake them off and hang them down to my sides for a few seconds of that momentary cold sensational relief. Some times I just wanna take em off and set em aside for a bit, swap em out with another pair, massage them momentarily, just something for some kind of relief! This is not what the stimulator is for, that’s for my feet, legs, lower back, and hip pain (which didn’t help my left hip much at all). To be fair though, I rarely mention my shoulders, hands, and arm pains at all because there’s so much other crap that hurts way worse.

I don’t know how to explain it, all I can say is I just HURT ALL OVER and I don’t know why. I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want more freaking medicine. I don’t want another dang surgery. I rarely even want to be touched but I don’t want to be rude. I don’t want to seem mean to any one. I don’t want to hurt anyones feelings. I don’t want to hurt anymore PERIOD! So, to avoid things in this paragraph, I stay home a lot more.

So much of this unexplainable pain just makes me so danged irritable at times. I have gotten to where I just avoid being around people and certain situations all together. I rarely get out and about by myself anymore because I never know from moment to moment what I’m going to be able to tolerate because the pain changes from day to day through out each and every single day. Simply put; I just hurt and I don’t want it to become an excuse for any thing in my life but it’s very debilitating at times. Thankfully though the migraines have almost completely stopped since my neck surgery was done in December of last year. So that’s a positive praise! Thank you Jesus!

I just simply have “unexplainable chronic pain” that’s un-relatable to anyone and everyone around me therefore it’s hard for you to understand. Just know that some days are good days for me and some days are bad but more often than not I just “fake the smiles” to make it through the day with as little complaining as possible because I don’t want to be a burdensome person to anyone. However, I do love deeply and I want y’all to know that I truly appreciate ALL of the prayers and support from you all! I feel ya 🤟♥️

To those of you that do show me true genuine love and support (not just when ya want something) through all of the “maybe this’ll help” processes that I continue to go through to find relief, I love you from the depth of my being and I apologize for not being able to physically help any of you but I do pray that I’m there for you, as you are for me, to the best of my abilities because without God and y’all I don’t know how I’d cope with this life.

So thanks for just being your true selves y’all 😊 #ILYMTTYBLTT❤️

Purpose for Pain

Oddly Enough devotion by Carolanne Miljavac

When we take our eyes off Jesus and focus on self, most of this worldly pain is unbearable.

We must continue the path that God has us on because only He knows the lessons we are to learn and the many lives that’ll be touched by our obedience to Him.

Pain hurts, no matter the reasoning! The lack of understanding that we have toward said pain is why we begin to question God and what He’s allowing to take place in our lives. It’s not until we begin to fully trust Him that the pain becomes tolerable.

Keep your eyes off the world! Stay true to who you are in Christ! While things won’t always make sense, it’ll always be worth it because there’s always life lessons to learn that’ll strengthen our trust and faith in Jesus.

Heartbroken

I don’t know how I’m suppose to feel but I can tell you how I do feel.

A couple of days ago now the news was shared, on a Facebook group that I’m in, about a wreck that took place locally. There were only four comments posted before the comment thread had been turned off as to not allow any more comments, yet the headline simply read “Car Accident” with the picture below attached to it.

Injury Accident.
Pick up truck vs car.

Accidents, in many forms, come about so frequently these days that I never stop to ponder any more if it could be anyone that I may know. I just always have the mind set, with technology today, that surely I’d know by now if it was anyone that I’m close to or related to.

When I read headlines and/or comments about anything like this that takes place, I immediately feel sad for those involved, in any way, but I will usually pray something simple like “God please be with those affected by this and allow them to all be okay” and scroll on as I did with this one.

When my daughter was little she was very active in little league softball, summer league tournament softball, Jr High and High school softball, as well as dance, and even cheerleading. All the way up through her senior year she remained very active in softball and dance, in any way she possibly could, because they were her two favorite things to do. So there were so many of her coaches, teachers, class mates, and even parents that have touched my life and have remained a part of my heart even after all of these years.

Through out my daughters upbringing, she is now 23 and married herself, many of her classmates will forever remain in my heart as I’ve been able to share in their own upbringing and life experiences not only through real life but also through social media life. This allows me to still be able to smile for the joys in their lives and makes me feel that I still get to be a small part of their own life happenings. Through this, even when they don’t know it, I’m cheering them on like I used to do from the side lines and I still get to witness and share in their own life happiness. That’s one of the biggest perks of social media in my opinion.

But rarely do I get to witness or get to be a small part of their heartbreaks and life shattering moments. This is because most people, me included, don’t like to share the true vulnerable parts of their lives for the world to see. We don’t want to let people see inside of our pain and heartaches because they would for sure judge us. Plus that would taint our own outward image of ourselves that we want people to see right. Not that it’s a bad thing necessarily, it’s just how life works for so many of us in today’s world.

As I’m typing this, through so many tears flowing down my face, my own heart feels shattered into many pieces for one particular young lady and her family that touched my heart from my daughters upbringing. She has been a part of my heart from my daughters very first year of little league softball. “God please continue to wrap Your arms around them all as they need You now more than ever before!! In Jesus name I pray, Amen!”

Anyway, when I read that “Car Accident” headline never did I imagine that one of my daughters classmates lives, especially one that I have personally loved since they were in elementary school as well as loving her parents still to this day, would be changed forever!!

Not only are her and her fiancé new parents together but, after having read so many Facebook posts and comments, it seems as if they were the light of one another’s world. It appears as if they’ve been through so much with one another, good and bad, in such a short amount of time.

BUT GOD YALL!

It appears as if they’ve been able to overcome the world together with God as their anchor. God must’ve continued to bring them back to one another because, the way I understand what I was reading typed in their own words, it’s as if God intervened for their relationship to be. God must’ve brought them back to a sense of forgiveness and security with another because He completely healed their relationship for reasons unbeknownst to many of us looking into theirs lives through Facebook. It’s as if God continued to carry them through all the heartache and love the two of them have for one another and even gave them a beautiful baby girl to cherish together in that love. Both of them seem to give God all of the glory for their successful relationship and now parenthood as well.

And as I scrolled through Facebook, two days later now, for reasons that we are never meant to question or understand the three of them were involved in this car accident together as one happy little family only for the young man not to make it!?!

Like “WHAT”!?!

Instinctively I want to know why. I want to know what happened. I want the young lady to know how much I love her. I want her parents to know my heart is shattered with them. I want to know so much, as do so many others, but God doesn’t work the way we want Him to. He doesn’t allow us to know so many things because we wouldn’t be able to handle the answers given to us.

I don’t believe that God “allows” bad things to happen to us but I do believe that everything that happens to us, God uses for good.

So as I type this through the tears and continue to pray for all involved in any minuet way, the thing I want shared most of all, is that only God knows the answers to our why. Only God knows our future. Only God knows how long we get to live and love those that we do. Only God knows why bad things happen to good people every single day. Only God knows ALL things because we aren’t suppose to know! We couldn’t handle to know the answers to every why question that we have. What I do know is that, once the young lady heals and is released from the hospital, she and their daughter are gonna be okay…eventually.

Their baby girl was unharmed physically but she will forever now have to grow up without her biological father and the perks of having him be a active part in her life. So I pray that she grows up to know and cling to the only Father that she’ll ever need and that’s God The Father.

More of what I do know is that this family is a God fearing family that loves the Lord, even through their heartaches, with ever ounce of their being. I do know that their church family and community of loved ones will shower them with such agape love that they will overcome this tragedy and be stronger in their faith because of it. I do know that God will continue to help them heal as a family together. I do know that I am a better person having been able to know them and witness how they love God so deeply in their own walks of life. I do know that I am thankful that God put them in our lives so many years ago. And I do know that I will continue to pray for them, as well as everyone affected by this car accident, with every thought of them that I have.

My thoughts, prayers, and love go out to each of them as I continue to love and pray for them from a distance!

Just Venting

Can I just be honest for a sec….prob piss some of ya off but, ya know, THAT’S WHAT I DO anyway right so I might as well be honest…if ya love me, ya know my heart is always in the right place. You’ll either let it roll off or let it stick to ya. It’ll either make sense to you or not. And if it really pisses ya off, I just won’t hear from ya again right!?!

It’s what evvvssssss…

Any who, I’ve just watched this #RedNoseDay fundraiser and I love the comedy and the laughter it created this year. It’s really been very enjoyable to watch. Every year millions of dollars are raised to help children in need around the world and that’s great y’all, seriously I’m all for that! Kids do need help from adults every single day!

Moving on…

I get that #covid19 is horrible and it’s killing many people world wide (fact is, it’s not killing as many as what’s being reported because people every where are admitting to lying about it for the gain of money from the government) BUT WHERE ARE THE CELEBRITIES FOR HELPING THOSE DYING FROM ABUSE, SUICIDE, THOSE BABIES (HUMANS TOO) DYING FROM ABORTION, DYING FROM CAR WRECKS, DYING FROM OTHER ILLNESSES BESIDES CANCER(always helped and talked about. I don’t mean that derogatory; it’s a good thang), THAT LIST COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON…I MEAN SERIOUSLY YALL, C’MON ALREADY…ENOUGH WITH THE POUR PITIFUL CORONAVIRUS “INVASION”!!
PEOPLE EVERYWHERE ARE NOW USING CORONAVIRUS AS A TOOL AND TRYING TO MAKE THE WELL PEOPLE FEEL GUILTY OR SOMETHING FOR NOT BEING SICK! IT SUCKS!!! WE ALL KNOW IT SUCKS!!! BUT WE ARE SMART PEOPLES (well mostly)!! WE NOW KNOW WHAT HELPS AS A PREVENTATIVE! USE WHAT YOU’VE BEEN TAUGHT THAT WORKS!
It is sad that people are dying from it, but the MAJORITY of the ill people are NOT DYING from it. People everywhere are dying from much worse and the world hasn’t gone “ALL OUT” (literally) because of it. The world has kept going and living their lives because that’s what we do.
Help those ya can, pray for everyone, use your dadgum BRAINS (that God gave you) and try to prevent yourself and your family from getting sick (which we do every single day anyway) from COVID, or any other airborne illness that’s out there, and MOVE ON WITH LIFE!! If you’re alive, GOD AIN’T DONE WITH YOU YET!!! GET OUT THERE AND MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELVES! HELP OTHERS!! GET HELP IF YA NEED TO!!!

SHARE THE GOOD NEWS OF JESUS WITH ANYONE THAT’LL LISTEN!! LEAN OF GOD, NOT MANKIND!! MANKIND IS A DAILY LET DOWN….GOD WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU!!

Ok, I’m done now. I feel better getting that off my chest.

Peace and blessings to y’all.

Good night!

Who knew?

I have discovered my love for raviolis still exists y’all!

Chef Boyardee

So I ordered some of them online, thinking I’d only got a few, for my husband initially. Well little do I realize, until they came in, that I got a box of 24!! WHAT!?!

So yea, now having to eat them as to not waste them,I’ve discovered that I still LOVE me some chef boyardee raviolis. And these ones are so simple to heat up y’all. Ya just pop it right in the microwave, in its container, for just 1 short sixty second minute. Add a side of chips and/or crackers with a glass of sweet tea or your favorite beverage and viola, you’ve got a one person supper, in under five minutes total, with such an easy clean up after!

Go ahead, give em a try!

You know ya want to…..

God Is Good

Have you ever wondered if God was paying attention to you and what’s going on in your life? Have you ever felt left out or ignored by Him? Boy, I sure have and not that long ago either.

There are times when I am just so unsure of anything and everything that is happening in and to me in life that it’s a struggle to even get out of bed of a morning.

But God y’all. But God is always working, even when we don’t see it.

Looking back at the most recent events in my life, there is no possible way to deny that God has been working the entire time. Scripture tells us what Jesus said to the Jews in John 5:17 (AMP). “But Jesus answered them, “My Father has been working until now [He has never ceased working], and I too am working.””

What a reassuring statement.

So many times we sit back and say we trust Jesus but our actions show otherwise. This is not pleasing to God or ourselves. We must always show that we trust in our Lord, even in times of struggle and ignorance.

My husband was laid off, with little to no warning, just a couple of months ago. We were panicked and unsure of what to do. We have to have income coming in to support our household expenses. I work but it’s only part time. That’s not nearly enough to carry us.

Thankfully God provided! And just in time too. Gods timing is always the perfect timing.

John 14:1 AMP, again with Jesus talking, says “Do not let your heart be troubled (afraid, cowardly). Believe [confidently] in God and trust in Him, [have faith, hold on to it, rely on it, keep going and] believe also in Me.”‬‬

My husband was able to get unemployment rather quickly, which is very rare. We had our first check within two weeks. And I was able to get more hours during the exact time frame that we needed, before being dropped back down to part time.

Totally God there y’all.

My husband began a new job April 1, making more money than he was and with the best benefits we’ve ever had before.

God had to remove my husband from his old job, use the six full weeks of unemployment to prepare him for the exact timing that God had set for him to begin a brand new job, in a totally new area, with all new people. And he’s loving it.

Sometimes change is good so keep an open mind when changes occur. Ask God what He wants you to do. God was working in our lives behind the scenes the entire time and He continues to do so every moment of every day.

God is so good y’all! All the time.

Laid Off

“Lozowski Strong”

Well it’s been a, some what, rather long five weeks y’all.

On February 17th 2020, my husband David was laid off from his job. His lay off had nothing to do with the Coronavirus. He went to work that Monday morning and worked two hours before being told he was being released. I’d like to say it was a shock to both of us but, unfortunately, we seen the writing on the wall long before that day got here. We would pray daily for God to allow David to be able to keep his job all the while knowing in our hearts that it wouldn’t be safe for very long.

David was employed by a rather small company and they had already let a few people go several weeks prior. Most of the employees are family in some way or another, not all of them, and those that aren’t are either contract labor or is close friends to someone who is. So it was a given that he would be let go at some point if things didn’t pick up soon for them.

Honestly, I feel a bit of relief and like God allowed it to go on as long as it did until He was finished preparing David for the changes that are coming.

My husband absolutely HATES major changes y’all and God knows this! David will stay in unhappiness and complete misery before he will let go of a job and move on or until God forces him to move on. So I honestly believe that God made sure that David had gotten a belly FULL of the stress and worry from having to do without what he’d need, every single day, just to do his day to day operations on that job. God made sure that he’d be as okay as a family man can be, with being let go and forced to move on. Although David left on good terms, he has truly learned who his real friends are out of all of them through this difficult time. I think he’s had a realization of a few people there that he thought were his friends in finding out that they really aren’t his friends at all. That’s a hard pill to swallow for any one, especially as long as David had worked with some of those guys.

Anywho, moving on…

David and I are Christians. We have complete faith and trust in God Almighty but it doesn’t prevent us from having stress and worry that comes with living life in this crazy world. We try to never doubt God and His abilities or powers for how He always takes care of us, especially in how He will provide for us daily, because He always has even in this exact position of David having been laid off before. The past few years have been a lot of difficult trials with Davids job. But that’s a story for a different blog some time.

I think I can speak for the both of us when I say that the longest and most difficult part of his five, now beginning of six, weeks off is the fear that comes from the enemy of the unknown.

We don’t know what’s to come. We don’t know for sure what’s gonna happen next, especially now that the entire nation is under quarantine. We don’t know how we will manage the day to day operations of life now. We don’t know how much longer we can stand one another on a 24/7 basis when we are both used to having a few hours each and every day to ourselves, even though I wouldn’t want to be cooped up with anyone else 24/7 except my wonderful husband David. He’s truly a God send.

While I could go on and on with what David and I “don’t know”, I’d rather turn my focus and attention to more positive thoughts. I’d rather think of what we “do know” and focus on the “BUT GOD” parts of it all. With each and every day that comes and goes there is a God and He remains in control of everything.

So I’ll turn your attention to what we DO KNOW. We do know that He has provided a wonderful new job for David and that this new job comes with some pretty awesome benefits and better pay. Both of which are better than what he’s ever had with any other job. We do know that it’s a blessed and welcomed change for the both of us. We do know that God is gonna work out the living arrangements that we are faced with due to this wonderful new job. We do know that our, almost, 24 years of marriage is strong enough to handle the distance and what ever else God chooses to bless us with through it all. We do know that God continues to provide us both with courage, wisdom, knowledge, and the finances to hold on to what He’s blessed us with already. We do know that God won’t EVER let us down. We do know that, no matter our circumstances, God will love us and care for us unconditionally. I’ll have more we do knows as each day passes and we get closer and closer to this amazing new beginning for us. And let me say this too; God gets all of the glory for what we have, and all that we continue to be blessed with, from our finances down to each and every item that we possess. David and I both thank Him every single moment of every single day for it all.

So, while we are human and struggle daily, we DO KNOW that we will be okay through all of this because we will always be “Lozowski strong” TOGETHER, no matter how many miles we may be apart, as long as we keep God as our leader and guide.

We would appreciate and covet any and all prayers for our obedience, strength, and guidance as we live this out and continue trusting and leaning on God moment by moment and day to day. Thanks and God bless to each and every one of you.

Keyboard Warriors

Found this pic online and thought how true it really is…

Isn’t this photo depicting such real truth in today’s society!?!

So many people use online platforms to be such “lions” while in reality they are mere “kittens”.

It’s comical how many people actually say hateful and mean things while making threats when they are online and hiding behind a keyboard but when met face to face, they act as if they don’t even know who you are OR they will pretend to be your friend. It’s happened to me so many times that I’ve lost count.

Don’t be fake!

If you can’t treat me in person the way you portray our relationship is online, whether it be good or bad, then leave me alone all together. I don’t like to me treated one way when face to face, talked about in another way behind my back, yet your social media posts portray yet a third and different view of our relationship. There’s no point in being two faced or three/four faced. Meaning you’re wearing more than one face in this one relationship.

If you can’t be honest with me and treat me like an adult, while showing me the respect that everyone deserves in any relationship, then don’t pretend to “love” me just to make yourself “look good” to others.

With friends like that, you don’t need enemies because they are already in your midst.

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