This is what happens for me after an evening of enjoyment.
I feel like an old ladyā¦ š
Met some family for dinner and I think the chair I used hates me! Back is not good today.
Day Afterā¦
hurt
Exhausted
When I wake up feeling exhausted from a good nights sleep, I know what kinda day my body is going to have. I just want to climb back in bed and sleep it off but duty calls. I will go to work anyway with affirmation of thankfulness and joy to be alive to feel the pain.
Thank you Jesus for giving me another day to live for you and share you with others.
Do you hate your life?
Someone told me they hate their life the other day. My response was well I donāt hate mine. I love my life! I really do.
Life is what you make of it. If youāre negative all the time and only focus on the negative things that happen every day then youāre going to think and produce negativity in everything you do and say. What youāre putting in, through tv, games, people youāre around, etc, if itās rarely anything positive then you will only produce negative thoughts, behavior, and words say about yourself and to others.
I have told my kids their entire lives that you are who you run with because itās so true. If you run with negative youāll produce negative. In every single situation, whether it be good or bad, there is ALWAYS positive. We may not always be able to find it in the moment, but itās always in there. Negativity is easy to find. Positive is harder so we must seek it out.
So, no matter what life throws your way, choose to be joyfully happy and find the positive in each situation, instead of focusing on the bad stuff and reproducing that.
š Donāt Worry; Be Happy š It really is a choice we get to make for ourselves.
Hurt Heart
Words hurt and canāt be taken back as Iāve learned the hard way for most of my adult life. The closer with Christ I learn to walk/live the statement in the photo has proven to be more and more accurate. We know a true Christian by how they act, respond, talk, live, etc. Jesus was the only perfect human to ever walk the earth. In saying that, we must remember that walking with Christ doesnāt make any human perfect in any way. Nor does it make us ābetter thanā any other human on earth. It does however, mean that we should do our level best to represent Him in every way to the best of our abilities. When we do wrong or say wrong, especially when upset, angered, or frustrated, we must repent and ask forgiveness from God and the person weāve offended intentionally or unintentionally.
Repentance (turning from wickedness and seeking Gods forgiveness) is something that we must do moment to moment on the daily. Then we must apologize to those that weāve hurt, whether it be an intentional hurt or not! People know Christianās by how we treat others, not by mere words alone. Words can be lies used to get something or to make a person seem like they are one way when truly they arenāt that way at all. Lies are NEVER good! A persons actions, whether hurtful or not, speak louder volume than words ever will. Donāt let your actions hinder another persons walk that is still growing in the areas you may have already matured in. We each grow at different paces. We each have our own ādemonsā, and/or faults, that we battle on the daily.
Donāt be afraid or ashamed to admit failure and repent from it. Donāt be afraid to admit failure to another human being that youāve wronged either. It is okay to say āIām sorry! I screwed upāā¦.(for me)once AGAIN! Weāre ALL human and WE ALL screw up and make mistakes.
Relationships
I watched a movie this evening that I had watched before but forgotten most of the scenes of. After it started I remembered the story line but decided to watch it again anyway just to refresh my memory of how it all played out. Plus, I figured, given that itās also a comedy itās a win win cuz who doesnāt love to laugh right!?!
Without going into the name of it, itās actors, etc., Iāll attempt to sum it up in a brief explanation, to the best of my ability, and make the point that I got out of it.
The movie from my prospective, in short, is about a woman that has excelled in her career without having had much education at all. However, in her attempt to āclimb the ladderā of her success it seems she had hit a rather unremovable road block. Her life long bff helps persuade her into taking a job that she had acquired through lies about her achievements. So while moving out the door of her stale career path and heading into a remarkable world of opportunity that turned out to be, in the end, the best thing that had ever happened to her sheās had a HUGE encounter with someone from her past. While falling in love with her new found daughter, sheād given up for adoption in her teenage years, she seems to have lost any future with the love of her life and boyfriend of five years. However, her career is at an all time high until…all the lies and hidden secrets begin to unravel.
Of course Iām leaving out the majority of the movie as to not ruin it for any of you that havenāt watched it. If you have watched it then youāll know the movie Iām writing about and may decide to watch again yourself.
Now, stick with me and letās move on.
The moral I got from the movie is sort of a āpunch lineā said during the movie by the boyfriend. Their relationship began on a lie, or rather a hidden secret that she never told him about, and one that she similarly repeats in the overwhelming love that sheās acquired for her new found daughter.
āNo relationship based on lies will ever surviveā packs a powerful punch to me. It is what the boyfriend says to her at one point during the movie. That statement has resonated with me ever since I heard him say it while watching the movie. Itās on repeat in my brain now as Iāve been pondering why itās stuck there.
So letās now shift from the movie and into my own lifeās relationships. Again, without going into extreme details and, of course, no names will be given but it has given me one of those āš”ā moments as it plays over and over again in my brain.
It has become one of those āTADAAAAAā moments to me all of a sudden but I now understand a particular relationship that Iāve been at such a loss about in my life for several years now. A relationship that started out beautifully but has become a thorn that I canāt seem to get to fester for healing. One that has destroyed a part of me that idk if Iāll ever be the same from. As I live and breathe itās oxygen sucking toxicity at times, I have a love for it that is confusingly exhausting to me when I attempt to understand it. Itās one of those love/hate relationships that tonight I FINALLY get. I finally understand it somewhat š Duh š¤¦āāļø Itās because ANY and all relationships built on lies will never last.
What a powerful statement that is.
Worst Flare Up To Date
Having had 3 flare ups already this month, I knew when I woke up that morning it was going to be an RA/Fibro flare kinda day but this has been the worst one yet. For what ever reason, flares are happening more often than what Iām used to. My daily meds arenāt seeming to help much anymore. š¤
When my alarm went off to begin my work day, I could barely roll over to even hit the snooze button. After snoozing a few times I managed to get myself up enough to sit up on the side of my bed to wake my body up completely. I do this every single morning but this particular morning the āstiffnessā was so intense that my body felt as if it had been injected with the thickness of molasses or something. My body seemed so heavy that the movement seemed to me as if I was moving in slow motion. It was like watching a turtle cross the road and impatiently waiting as to not kill the poor thing from trying to hurry it along. The pain radiated from each movement and felt like the heat coming off of an intense fire was racing through my joints. I knew I needed a hot shower to help get me moving a bit better or I wasnāt gonna be able to even get dressed. Usually a hot shower feels good and will loosen my joints up enough to move but that morning the shower didnāt even help me like it normally does. Not wanting to allow my body to control my day, I got dressed and went off to work pushing through the intense pain. Typically putting my mind to work offsets the miserable feeling thatās happening within my body that is unexplainable to others.
We all take a day off to play hooky once in a while. Those days are enjoyable right!?! But to take a day off or have to leave early because my body is not lining up with what my mind wants it to do is down right aggravating. I donāt like having to miss work, especially for reasons beyond my control such as a stupid flare up.
Eventually I did make it to work and wasnāt late by the 8 a m standard. However, I felt late because I am always there early to get logged into my stuff and be ready to work at 8 a m. As the day progressed, I got worse. I was beginning to convince myself that I had picked up a bug or something. I just wasnāt able to function like how a ānormalā RA/Fibro day goes for me. I had eaten breakfast and it didnāt bother me but by lunch time, I was afraid to even eat because of how I felt. My stomach was so queasy that I just didnāt want to take any chances. I hate to throw up!
As the day went on, my stomach felt more and more queasy and I began to get a mild headache from the nausea. Eventually, around 1:30, I ran to the bathroom and vomited. I felt some what better. So I thought okay, now I am good. Well it didnāt last long. I tried to stay at work to keep my mind occupied and off of the pain. Finally, around 3 I felt like I was gonna puke again so I decided it best to journey home and try to just sleep it off. After about 20 minutes of driving, takes me 35 minutes to get home, I wound up pulling over and got sick on the side of the road. Once I did make it home, I laid down and slept for almost two hour. When I woke up, I was fine. I was back to my ānormalā every day pain levels. The nausea was gone, no headache, I had some energy, I could maneuver my body and I knew that flare up had passed. I was able to eat supper and everything.
Thatās the worst flare up Iāve had to date. My first time to actually vomit from one.
Thankfully I am blessed enough to have some amazing co workers that refuse to let me allow myself to go down a āwhoa is meā, staying mad at myself for such stupidity type of a rabbit hole. They can tell when I need help and I wonāt even have to ask. They just help me. I couldnāt have asked for better co workers in my life.
Anyone living with Rheumatoid Arthritis, especially with the Fibromyalgia crap too, can relate to these types of flares. Being tired for us isnāt just the tired someone feels from a long sleepless night or a long hard days work, it is down right debilitating fatigue to the point of our mind is in a fog and our body just doesnāt work correctly. We forget, get confused, and totally go blank even on the easy stuff that just comes naturally to us on our ānormalā days. We just want to sleep š! Plus sleeping helps us to not feel the pain.
During such flare days, I wonāt even recognize that I need help most times but those that I am around the most can tell when Iām just not being myself. My husband especially. He is my rock star! I could NOT make it through this disease without such help from him and those people around me that just know, especially when the brain fog is so horrible that I donāt even recognize how āoffā my day is going, that I need help to make it through my day. They never ask what can they do, they just do!
I hate this disease and whatās happening to my body and mind that is beyond my control but I do love my life and those that God has placed in it. I would never want to do this life alone.
Thank you to those that just know. I am so grateful and love each of you beyond measure!
Another Rest
Well Iāve had another rest from blogging, and other stuff, as Iām sure yāall that follow me have noticed.
I never know when I will feel good and when I will feel awful due to this chronic pain I live with. Letās just say that Iāve had more down days than up lately for a number of reasons. I pray to be on the track to feeling good for more than a couple days at a time now. I just never know what each day holds for me until I begin it.
I have found myself cancelling things and saying no more than ever, even when I really want to. I apologize more than ever because I just canāt!! I hate the hold this autoimmune disease has over me. It isnāt just one thing. I have a number of things that taunt me daily.
So many say there āwell just do thisā or āhave you tried…ā and āI know that feelingā when really they donāt have a clue! I donāt even try to explain anymore I just say āthanks for that adviceā or āIāll try thatā just to move the conversation on from even talking about it any further. Most days I just want to scream but even thatās to exhausting. š
Any-who, enough about that!!
Pray for me and my husband! Say a special prayer for those not even in my life these days, whether theyāve chosen to walk away or Iāve just distanced myself from them, to love me through it anyway.
Good night world! May God hold your hand through the hard times just as He does for me because without God, I probably wouldnāt even be here. š
Heartbroken
I donāt know how Iām suppose to feel but I can tell you how I do feel.
A couple of days ago now the news was shared, on a Facebook group that Iām in, about a wreck that took place locally. There were only four comments posted before the comment thread had been turned off as to not allow any more comments, yet the headline simply read āCar Accidentā with the picture below attached to it.
Pick up truck vs car.
Accidents, in many forms, come about so frequently these days that I never stop to ponder any more if it could be anyone that I may know. I just always have the mind set, with technology today, that surely Iād know by now if it was anyone that Iām close to or related to.
When I read headlines and/or comments about anything like this that takes place, I immediately feel sad for those involved, in any way, but I will usually pray something simple like āGod please be with those affected by this and allow them to all be okayā and scroll on as I did with this one.
When my daughter was little she was very active in little league softball, summer league tournament softball, Jr High and High school softball, as well as dance, and even cheerleading. All the way up through her senior year she remained very active in softball and dance, in any way she possibly could, because they were her two favorite things to do. So there were so many of her coaches, teachers, class mates, and even parents that have touched my life and have remained a part of my heart even after all of these years.
Through out my daughters upbringing, she is now 23 and married herself, many of her classmates will forever remain in my heart as Iāve been able to share in their own upbringing and life experiences not only through real life but also through social media life. This allows me to still be able to smile for the joys in their lives and makes me feel that I still get to be a small part of their own life happenings. Through this, even when they donāt know it, Iām cheering them on like I used to do from the side lines and I still get to witness and share in their own life happiness. Thatās one of the biggest perks of social media in my opinion.
But rarely do I get to witness or get to be a small part of their heartbreaks and life shattering moments. This is because most people, me included, donāt like to share the true vulnerable parts of their lives for the world to see. We donāt want to let people see inside of our pain and heartaches because they would for sure judge us. Plus that would taint our own outward image of ourselves that we want people to see right. Not that itās a bad thing necessarily, itās just how life works for so many of us in todayās world.
As Iām typing this, through so many tears flowing down my face, my own heart feels shattered into many pieces for one particular young lady and her family that touched my heart from my daughters upbringing. She has been a part of my heart from my daughters very first year of little league softball. āGod please continue to wrap Your arms around them all as they need You now more than ever before!! In Jesus name I pray, Amen!ā
Anyway, when I read that āCar Accidentā headline never did I imagine that one of my daughters classmates lives, especially one that I have personally loved since they were in elementary school as well as loving her parents still to this day, would be changed forever!!
Not only are her and her fiancĆ© new parents together but, after having read so many Facebook posts and comments, it seems as if they were the light of one anotherās world. It appears as if theyāve been through so much with one another, good and bad, in such a short amount of time.
BUT GOD YALL!
It appears as if theyāve been able to overcome the world together with God as their anchor. God mustāve continued to bring them back to one another because, the way I understand what I was reading typed in their own words, itās as if God intervened for their relationship to be. God mustāve brought them back to a sense of forgiveness and security with another because He completely healed their relationship for reasons unbeknownst to many of us looking into theirs lives through Facebook. Itās as if God continued to carry them through all the heartache and love the two of them have for one another and even gave them a beautiful baby girl to cherish together in that love. Both of them seem to give God all of the glory for their successful relationship and now parenthood as well.
And as I scrolled through Facebook, two days later now, for reasons that we are never meant to question or understand the three of them were involved in this car accident together as one happy little family only for the young man not to make it!?!
Like āWHATā!?!
Instinctively I want to know why. I want to know what happened. I want the young lady to know how much I love her. I want her parents to know my heart is shattered with them. I want to know so much, as do so many others, but God doesnāt work the way we want Him to. He doesnāt allow us to know so many things because we wouldnāt be able to handle the answers given to us.
I donāt believe that God āallowsā bad things to happen to us but I do believe that everything that happens to us, God uses for good.
So as I type this through the tears and continue to pray for all involved in any minuet way, the thing I want shared most of all, is that only God knows the answers to our why. Only God knows our future. Only God knows how long we get to live and love those that we do. Only God knows why bad things happen to good people every single day. Only God knows ALL things because we arenāt suppose to know! We couldnāt handle to know the answers to every why question that we have. What I do know is that, once the young lady heals and is released from the hospital, she and their daughter are gonna be okay…eventually.
Their baby girl was unharmed physically but she will forever now have to grow up without her biological father and the perks of having him be a active part in her life. So I pray that she grows up to know and cling to the only Father that sheāll ever need and thatās God The Father.
More of what I do know is that this family is a God fearing family that loves the Lord, even through their heartaches, with ever ounce of their being. I do know that their church family and community of loved ones will shower them with such agape love that they will overcome this tragedy and be stronger in their faith because of it. I do know that God will continue to help them heal as a family together. I do know that I am a better person having been able to know them and witness how they love God so deeply in their own walks of life. I do know that I am thankful that God put them in our lives so many years ago. And I do know that I will continue to pray for them, as well as everyone affected by this car accident, with every thought of them that I have.
My thoughts, prayers, and love go out to each of them as I continue to love and pray for them from a distance!
Worship at Home
I woke up this morning with the song āBuild My Lifeā by Housefires in my heart. I donāt know about you but when I wake up with songs in my head like this, I have to listen to it multiple times right then because, to me, I take it as a sign from Holy Spirit that the lyrics are what Heās speaking to me in that moment.
Thereās nothing like hearing from God through Holy Spirit!
What greater way to commune with God than worshipping our Lord in privacy, just you and Him, in your room. No eyes watchin you, just you and Holy!! DONāT WORSHIP FOR SHOW YALL! IF YOU CAN WORSHIP IN CHRUCH BUILDING BUT CANāT WORSHIP IN PRIVATE, CHRCK YOUR HEART!
To me, it is sooooo much greater to worship our Lord and Savior in private yāall. Thereās just a movement that is so powerful that it makes me cry, smile, laugh out loud, or fall to my knees in my prayer. Thereās just nothing like feeling in tune with Jesus in private!
Once we build our foundation on the true roots of God Almighty, we canāt be shaken. No pain in the world, no holes in your heart, no ignorance of human, no feelings of not being worthy, no sadness in the world, nothin of man kind can tear us down!! Donāt turn your eyes from Jesus! Focus on The Holy Spirit that God fills us with, instead of the aches and pains in day to day life! Live for Jesus, not your kids, not work, not anything of this world!!! Live for Jesus each and every day and He will fill you with whatās needed! MAKE IT A FIRM FOUNDATION in Christ!! Plant the roots so deep in Jesus that not even your kids can reap benefits of hurting you anymore!!
Donāt allow any pain in your heart (what ever that is for you) to take over the roots in Christ!! Strengthen your roots in Christ by reading His Word and praising Him in worship!!
HOLY THERE IS NO ONE LIKE YOU; THERE IS NONE BESIDE YOU; FILL US WITH YOUR HEART LORD!!!
SHOW US ALL LORD!!! SHOW US WHO YOU ARE DURING THE TRIALS OF LIFE!!!!! HELP US TO PUT OUR TRUST IN YOU AND NOT BE SHAKEN!!! MAINTAIN OUR ROOT SYSTEM WITH YOUR LOVE!!! IN JESUS NAME, AMEN!!!
Just Venting
Can I just be honest for a secā¦.prob piss some of ya off but, ya know, THATāS WHAT I DO anyway right so I might as well be honestā¦if ya love me, ya know my heart is always in the right place. Youāll either let it roll off or let it stick to ya. Itāll either make sense to you or not. And if it really pisses ya off, I just wonāt hear from ya again right!?!
Itās what evvvssssssā¦
Any who, Iāve just watched this #RedNoseDay fundraiser and I love the comedy and the laughter it created this year. Itās really been very enjoyable to watch. Every year millions of dollars are raised to help children in need around the world and thatās great yāall, seriously Iām all for that! Kids do need help from adults every single day!
Moving onā¦
I get that #covid19 is horrible and itās killing many people world wide (fact is, itās not killing as many as whatās being reported because people every where are admitting to lying about it for the gain of money from the government) BUT WHERE ARE THE CELEBRITIES FOR HELPING THOSE DYING FROM ABUSE, SUICIDE, THOSE BABIES (HUMANS TOO) DYING FROM ABORTION, DYING FROM CAR WRECKS, DYING FROM OTHER ILLNESSES BESIDES CANCER(always helped and talked about. I donāt mean that derogatory; itās a good thang), THAT LIST COULD GO ON AND ON AND ONā¦I MEAN SERIOUSLY YALL, CāMON ALREADYā¦ENOUGH WITH THE POUR PITIFUL CORONAVIRUS āINVASIONā!!
PEOPLE EVERYWHERE ARE NOW USING CORONAVIRUS AS A TOOL AND TRYING TO MAKE THE WELL PEOPLE FEEL GUILTY OR SOMETHING FOR NOT BEING SICK! IT SUCKS!!! WE ALL KNOW IT SUCKS!!! BUT WE ARE SMART PEOPLES (well mostly)!! WE NOW KNOW WHAT HELPS AS A PREVENTATIVE! USE WHAT YOUāVE BEEN TAUGHT THAT WORKS!
It is sad that people are dying from it, but the MAJORITY of the ill people are NOT DYING from it. People everywhere are dying from much worse and the world hasnāt gone āALL OUTā (literally) because of it. The world has kept going and living their lives because thatās what we do.
Help those ya can, pray for everyone, use your dadgum BRAINS (that God gave you) and try to prevent yourself and your family from getting sick (which we do every single day anyway) from COVID, or any other airborne illness thatās out there, and MOVE ON WITH LIFE!! If youāre alive, GOD AINāT DONE WITH YOU YET!!! GET OUT THERE AND MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELVES! HELP OTHERS!! GET HELP IF YA NEED TO!!!
SHARE THE GOOD NEWS OF JESUS WITH ANYONE THATāLL LISTEN!! LEAN OF GOD, NOT MANKIND!! MANKIND IS A DAILY LET DOWNā¦.GOD WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU!!
Ok, Iām done now. I feel better getting that off my chest.
Peace and blessings to yāall.
Good night!
Relationship
What does one do that feels like theyāve done everything humanly possible to make a relationship work yet it continues to fail? Ya know relationships fail all the time and people just hop on a plane or in a car and leave as to avoid admitting failure and repairing the damage.
Let me just say, itās easier to let go of some relationships than it is to let go of others. Iāve let go of a few relationships in my life to avoid letting them, or rather me allowing them, to have any control over me and my behavior. Sometimes itās just best to walk away or even let them walk away, but itās never easy to walk away from your kids without putting up a āfightā. But there comes a time when thereās just no fight left in you and you fall to your knees in tears begging God to help you. You find yourself asking God what youāre doing wrong. You find yourself having to take a step back and simply (not so simple) allow Gods will to be done and you do absolutely nothing but continually pray.
So after lots of prayers and petitions to God, this is what Heās told me multiple times is the best way to handle it. The best way for me to handle this particular situation is to not handle it at all. I have to let go and let God handle it once and for all.
2 Timothy 2:23-26 (ESV) says:
Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.
Iāve come to the conclusion that there comes a time when we have to make hard decisions, even when it seems like the hardest decision youāll ever have to make, for ourselves. Decisions that we know will effect us for a long period of time. Decisions that hurt our hearts so badly that our chest physically hurts. Decisions that are for our own protection. Decisions that will prevent us from giving into the foolishness of controversy. Decisions that may have people you love so deeply having nothing to do with you. Decisions to simply guard your own heart from breaking so badly that it seems in repairable. Decisions to not allow the enemy to use anyone to cause you to fall back into your old self.
Once you feel like youāve gone around the same āmountainā so many times and never see new scenery, itās time to finally just jump the train track if you will. Itās time to sit back and truly, 100%, turn it over to God. Itās okay to protect yourself. Itās okay to protect your own heart and your own emotions from the same ole train wreck that always happens when you let your guard down.
God is our Father and He wants to protect us from hurt and harm but more often than not, we bring it upon ourselves then we get mad at God and ask Him why HE ALLOWED THIS to happen to us. He didnāt! We did! And we have to stop it. We must finally break the cycle. We have to decide that it needs to stop and it needs to stop right now. Only then can God begin a work in the situation and help to mend things or cause us to move on from it until they decide they want to mend it as well.
No relationship of any kind can be one sided and have success. Relationships of any kind takes pride and hard work to keep it humbly unique in unity. We must each choose to be happy with one another, no matter our flaws. God can change anyoneās heart but He gives us the decisions as to what weāre gonna do with it. Are we gonna live for Him or the world? Are we gonna love one another like Jesus does or are we gonna āloveā one another like the enemy does. The choice is ours.
Iāve had a relationship with someone that I love beyond measure, thatās been breaking my heart and causing me such stress and anxiety, for quite some time. It has been such an on again, off again type relationship for far to long now. One minute Iām āloved and appreciatedā and the best person and the next minute Iām hated and despised for who knows what. I just canāt play that game any longer! I have prayed and prayed and prayed, and will continue praying for how ever long it takes, for our relationship to be what God intended for it to be. Through so many prayers, tears, anger, love, worry, and just every possible emotion a person can feel, I now know that God has given me permission to sit back and simply ābe stillā (Psalms 46:10).
For years now, Iāve been trying to make things work out for my own selfish desires of wanting to continue a relationship even though itās been such a train wreck of a relationship. I have done what ever it took so that I could have some kind of contact with them, even though I knew the happiness would be short lived. I have done everything within my own power to keep things running smoothly. The problem is that no matter what I do or say, itās wrong. No matter how much Iām ālovedā, itās only temporary. But I now can see what the key problem is. Itās that Iāve been doing things in MY OWN power to try and fix this relationship but I canāt fix it, only God can. Only God can change the hearts of any man/woman. I do not have the power to āfixā anything, only the power of God can do that.
God has been telling me for a very long time now to leave it alone and do absolutely nothing but my own selfish desires, from missing them and loving so deeply that my heart literally aches from the lack of communication, that I always gave into those desires and reached out only for it to end, the way it always does, in more heart ache and pain. Clearly I havenāt been obedient in being still and letting God have complete control. This train wreck has been on again and off again for more than two years now and every time I let my guard down and think, āalright this is it, weāre finally on the mend and beginning to heal from previous angry hurts weāve all dealt one another, it ends in a train wreck once again.
So I finally have given up. Iāve come to my whits end. Iām not saying itās all them but I canāt keep being the only one to apologize and admit failure. I canāt keep giving it everything Iāve got and get nothing in return. I canāt keep riding on this roller coaster ride of emotions and continuing on with the disrespect and ignorance of it all. My heart canāt take it anymore! As much as I love them, I am willing to let them go since that seems to be what they want any way. I mean love is proven by actions not mere words and their actions have proven time and again that no relationship is wanted unless I do what they want when they want. If they get their way, they are happy. If not, Iām blocked and disowned. Itās just to much anymore. Life is to short to live like that.
Proverbs 9:7-9 (ESV)
Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury. Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you;
reprove a wise man, and he will love you. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning.
Just these past few months have I been able to truly let go and let God. I was making sure to say I love you once in a while, even though it was completely ignored almost every single time, but itās time to be obedient to God THE FATHER. Itās time to trust Him completely with this entire situation. I just canāt take the pain any longer.
Iām learning to love them from a distance and that I must be okay with that. Some days are harder than others to fight myself as to not send a text just to say I love you but they know I love them, thatās never been an issue. Iāve made sure they know I love them and they just donāt seem to care. Theyāve made that perfectly clear multiple times.
I will always love them………even if only from a distance.
Disrespectful
Definitions of Disrespectful Behavior:
Behavior that is rude, unpleasant, inappropriate, and unprofessional. Behavior that causes hurt feelings and distresses, disturbs, and/or offends others. Uncivil Behavior: Rude, impolite, discourteous behavior that displays a lack of regard for others.
Whether youāve disrespected someone purposely or not, if they say they are hurt because of what you said or did, their feelings are legitimate and should be allowed to be expresssd. The proper thing to do is talk about things and say āIām sorry I upset you, that was never my intentions.ā
Acknowledging the other persons feelings make them feel important to you. Shutting them down and not allowing them have their feelings be discussed at all, only shows them that their feelings are real for a reason and that you donāt even care enough about them to discuss the feelings they carry.
Treat others the way you would want to be treated. Show people love by your actions and how you treat them.
We are humans that have feelings for a reason. Everyone gets their feelings hurt at times, even when it wasnāt meant to be hurtful, but they should never be ignored. A persons feelings are real and should be spoken out loud to be discussed and talked out not shoved under a rug to be ignored.
Love recognizes hurt and tries to make things better. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not boastful and hateful. Love does not envy. Love is not arrogant. Love is not rude. Love does not INSIST in its own way. (1Corinthians 13:4-7)
Life and Love 