It’s been a while…

Well I will be back at it, prayerfully. I took a long break from writing because what I want to write about, I think to my self that I probably shouldn’t. But it is my life and this is my blog so I can write about what’s happening in my life right!?!

Gonna keep praying about how and what to say but I am for sure ready to begin writing, journaling, blogging again.

Worst Flare Up To Date

Having had 3 flare ups already this month, I knew when I woke up that morning it was going to be an RA/Fibro flare kinda day but this has been the worst one yet. For what ever reason, flares are happening more often than what I’m used to. My daily meds aren’t seeming to help much anymore. 🤔

(Meme found online)

When my alarm went off to begin my work day, I could barely roll over to even hit the snooze button. After snoozing a few times I managed to get myself up enough to sit up on the side of my bed to wake my body up completely. I do this every single morning but this particular morning the “stiffness” was so intense that my body felt as if it had been injected with the thickness of molasses or something. My body seemed so heavy that the movement seemed to me as if I was moving in slow motion. It was like watching a turtle cross the road and impatiently waiting as to not kill the poor thing from trying to hurry it along. The pain radiated from each movement and felt like the heat coming off of an intense fire was racing through my joints. I knew I needed a hot shower to help get me moving a bit better or I wasn’t gonna be able to even get dressed. Usually a hot shower feels good and will loosen my joints up enough to move but that morning the shower didn’t even help me like it normally does. Not wanting to allow my body to control my day, I got dressed and went off to work pushing through the intense pain. Typically putting my mind to work offsets the miserable feeling that’s happening within my body that is unexplainable to others.

We all take a day off to play hooky once in a while. Those days are enjoyable right!?! But to take a day off or have to leave early because my body is not lining up with what my mind wants it to do is down right aggravating. I don’t like having to miss work, especially for reasons beyond my control such as a stupid flare up.

Eventually I did make it to work and wasn’t late by the 8 a m standard. However, I felt late because I am always there early to get logged into my stuff and be ready to work at 8 a m. As the day progressed, I got worse. I was beginning to convince myself that I had picked up a bug or something. I just wasn’t able to function like how a “normal” RA/Fibro day goes for me. I had eaten breakfast and it didn’t bother me but by lunch time, I was afraid to even eat because of how I felt. My stomach was so queasy that I just didn’t want to take any chances. I hate to throw up!

As the day went on, my stomach felt more and more queasy and I began to get a mild headache from the nausea. Eventually, around 1:30, I ran to the bathroom and vomited. I felt some what better. So I thought okay, now I am good. Well it didn’t last long. I tried to stay at work to keep my mind occupied and off of the pain. Finally, around 3 I felt like I was gonna puke again so I decided it best to journey home and try to just sleep it off. After about 20 minutes of driving, takes me 35 minutes to get home, I wound up pulling over and got sick on the side of the road. Once I did make it home, I laid down and slept for almost two hour. When I woke up, I was fine. I was back to my “normal” every day pain levels. The nausea was gone, no headache, I had some energy, I could maneuver my body and I knew that flare up had passed. I was able to eat supper and everything.

That’s the worst flare up I’ve had to date. My first time to actually vomit from one.

Thankfully I am blessed enough to have some amazing co workers that refuse to let me allow myself to go down a “whoa is me”, staying mad at myself for such stupidity type of a rabbit hole. They can tell when I need help and I won’t even have to ask. They just help me. I couldn’t have asked for better co workers in my life.

(Meme found online)

Anyone living with Rheumatoid Arthritis, especially with the Fibromyalgia crap too, can relate to these types of flares. Being tired for us isn’t just the tired someone feels from a long sleepless night or a long hard days work, it is down right debilitating fatigue to the point of our mind is in a fog and our body just doesn’t work correctly. We forget, get confused, and totally go blank even on the easy stuff that just comes naturally to us on our “normal” days. We just want to sleep 🛌! Plus sleeping helps us to not feel the pain.

During such flare days, I won’t even recognize that I need help most times but those that I am around the most can tell when I’m just not being myself. My husband especially. He is my rock star! I could NOT make it through this disease without such help from him and those people around me that just know, especially when the brain fog is so horrible that I don’t even recognize how “off” my day is going, that I need help to make it through my day. They never ask what can they do, they just do!

I hate this disease and what’s happening to my body and mind that is beyond my control but I do love my life and those that God has placed in it. I would never want to do this life alone.

Thank you to those that just know. I am so grateful and love each of you beyond measure!

Dreams

Do you believe that dreams mean something? I know some people that do and some people that don’t. Some dreams are so real sometimes that I’ve woke myself up, more than once, crying real tears. Tonight I had a strange one. It seemed so real during the dreaming time that when I finally woke up, or got woken up I should say, it’s left me scratching the top of my head wondering what it means.

I wonder why we dream at all? Are they significantly purposeful ya think? Do they truly have meanings behind them?

Most nights I don’t have any dreams at all. Some nights I’ll have several in one night. Then there’s those that leave such an impression that it keeps me awake for a while before I can go back to sleep. Then there’s the very few that have left me thinkin on them for days on end.

Tonight it was one of those that’s got me thinkin, staying awake talking to God, and now writing, typing actually, it down for y’all to ponder with me.

Today was like any other day I suppose. My husband and I spent the day together. He went to town this morning to have the oil changed in our car but was back home before I woke up. He’s an early riser ALL THE TIME! I, on the other hand, enjoy sleeping in. I don’t like to be woke up. I’d rather sleep until my body decides it’s had enough rest for one day. Once I did wake up though, we did our usual just hangin out around the house together kinda day. He even cooked us a wonderful supper this evening. We didn’t watch anything out of the norm on tv. Every Friday and Saturday night we watch Live PD then go to bed.

I can’t think of any reason to have the kind of dream that I had, especially to have been woken up by my husband. He said I was hollering for him so loudly that it woke him up. In my dream I know I was trying to yell and couldn’t but I didn’t know it was a dream until he woke me up.

We have two recliners side by side in our living room and, in my dream, I was still in mine but my husband had already laid down. In our bedroom we have a small window unit in and I knew I’d need to holler loud enough for him to hear me over the unit so I was trying to scream but nothing was coming out. It was so weird! It was like I was out of my body hovering over myself and I could see everything so clearly. I was in my recliner and the enemy himself was holding me down and covering my mouth. My entire body was like jello. I couldn’t move! I couldn’t talk! And I sure enough couldn’t scream! I kept trying. I tried to get up only to be shoved back down. I was trying to lift my arms and they literally, from the top view, looked like an episode of Sponge Bob Square Pants where his arms were just wavy. I had no control over them. I finally began trying to shout rebukes in the name of Jesus and I slowly began to regain control over myself. I began to sing “Jesus Loves Me” as loud and mumbling as possible. The more I said Jesus and sang out loud, even though my words weren’t clear, the less the enemy had control over me. I was FINALLY free enough to stand to my feet. Once I stood up I said “Satan you must flee from me IN THE NAME OF JESUS because you have no control over me” and just like that, he fled. Then I began yelling for my husband again and that’s when he woke me up because he heard me in real life yelling his name. He asked if I was alright and told me I must’ve been dreaming then he went right back to sleep and I can’t.

I don’t know how to interpret dreams but there was one man in the Bible named Joseph that could. I wonder what he’d tell me my dream meant?