I had my bypass on 7.13.22 and I had a rough go from the hospital and well into my second month. I had so many regrets for why in the heck I did this to myself. It was so horrible y’all, pain wise and puking wise. It didn’t matter what I swallowed it was coming back up. FINALLY it was time to seen my cardiologist and he determined it was my blood pressure pill that was making me so danged sick. Apparently when you’re body no longer needs the help with blood pressure, the pill I was taking twice a day kept me so horribly sick. Dr said you don’t need it anymore so stop taking it. It took about 3 days to get it all outta my system before I began to feel better. Today? TODAY YALL I’m feeling better than I have felt in years, even with 3 types of arthritis in my body, and now I am able to eat pretty much anything I want, except sausage of any kind. I am a bit concerned of back sliding because I never wanna go back to eating junk food/sweets, etc. like I used to. I just take a bite here and there of what I do crave just to satisfy my want of it, instead of starving myself from it, and it has helped me so much. There’s even some things that I used to LOVE that no longer even appeals to my taste anymore.
I pray daily that God helps me control my mind and eating habits because without His strength, I am such a weak human. I began my journey at 246 lbs and today I am at 166. I went from an 18/20 size pants and a 2-3xl shirt down to (as of today) a size 14 pant and a large shirt. 80pbs down and 20 more to go to be at my personal goal weight. I am just in aww yall.
Some days I look in the mirror and still see my big fat self and have to remind myself that I control my own thinking. I tell myself to stop thinkin negative thoughts so I can see the positives. We control our own thinking process so we must tell our mind what to think instead of letting our mind think what it wants.
Hope my testimony helps someone else. If you’re on the fence, JUST DO IT…
This past week I began my bariatric journey. I haven’t kept it a secret but I don’t tell anyone just in conversation either. Those closest to me of course know and have been a strong support system and I know they will continue to do so. I have been in a Facebook group for several months now and it has helped so much. Reading other peoples journey and following their success stories is good for the mind.
Of course it’s gonna be hard, I have no doubts about that, but it is a life style change that I pray every single day will help me with my over all health issues. So far, I have not been to nervous about it, I am just ready to get it done so my healing can begin. I have done my liquid diet for 7 full days now and I’ve already dropped 4 lbs so that’s encouraging leading into the days ahead. Tomorrow I go in to do an EGD, after goin in to see my Dr for pre op, then Wednesday is my gastric bypass procedure.
I am so ready to lose the weight and feel 100% better! All prayers for success are coveted and appreciated.
Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray to the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake. I pray to the Lord my soul he take. If I should die before morning sun. Y’all always remember this mommas fun love. It’s always in your hearts so deep. Should I die in my sleep. Amen! Toodle Lou tum tums. Razzle berries. Amen. I LOVE YOU’S!!! 💋 💋 🤗 🫂
Did you know that bitterness is a legit emotion? I mean I’ve heard of it, of course, but never really understood it. And I still don’t. However, it is a true feeling that needs to be addressed in order to be able to overcome it. I will be studying more on this topic and hope to share some new insight into its true meaning and Gods way, through His word, on how to overcome it.
When I wake up feeling exhausted from a good nights sleep, I know what kinda day my body is going to have. I just want to climb back in bed and sleep it off but duty calls. I will go to work anyway with affirmation of thankfulness and joy to be alive to feel the pain.
Thank you Jesus for giving me another day to live for you and share you with others.
Mother’s Days for me are a bit different from the traditional get togethers in celebration of Mom. I am still appreciated just from a distance. I know without a doubt that I am always loved, even when they aren’t allowing me into their lives for one reason or another.
Like any other family, we don’t always see eye to eye…but God right!?! ♥️ God remains true to His promises so I just keep seeking for His Devine intervention and healing.
My babies and grand babies live thousands of miles away due to the military life they’ve chosen and I couldn’t be more proud of each one of them than I am today! And, while their dad and I didn’t choose this lifestyle for them we’ve always encouraged ALL of our babies, even our “nother” babies, to chase their dreams but to always chase after Gods will for their lives rather than their own. My motto for them, since they were very young, has been “always do your very best and let God do the rest” but no matter where life takes any one them, I will forever be their biggest supporter.
Well I will be back at it, prayerfully. I took a long break from writing because what I want to write about, I think to my self that I probably shouldn’t. But it is my life and this is my blog so I can write about what’s happening in my life right!?!
Gonna keep praying about how and what to say but I am for sure ready to begin writing, journaling, blogging again.
Words hurt and can’t be taken back as I’ve learned the hard way for most of my adult life. The closer with Christ I learn to walk/live the statement in the photo has proven to be more and more accurate. We know a true Christian by how they act, respond, talk, live, etc. Jesus was the only perfect human to ever walk the earth. In saying that, we must remember that walking with Christ doesn’t make any human perfect in any way. Nor does it make us “better than” any other human on earth. It does however, mean that we should do our level best to represent Him in every way to the best of our abilities. When we do wrong or say wrong, especially when upset, angered, or frustrated, we must repent and ask forgiveness from God and the person we’ve offended intentionally or unintentionally.
Repentance (turning from wickedness and seeking Gods forgiveness) is something that we must do moment to moment on the daily. Then we must apologize to those that we’ve hurt, whether it be an intentional hurt or not! People know Christian’s by how we treat others, not by mere words alone. Words can be lies used to get something or to make a person seem like they are one way when truly they aren’t that way at all. Lies are NEVER good! A persons actions, whether hurtful or not, speak louder volume than words ever will. Don’t let your actions hinder another persons walk that is still growing in the areas you may have already matured in. We each grow at different paces. We each have our own “demons”, and/or faults, that we battle on the daily.
Don’t be afraid or ashamed to admit failure and repent from it. Don’t be afraid to admit failure to another human being that you’ve wronged either. It is okay to say “I’m sorry! I screwed up”….(for me)once AGAIN! We’re ALL human and WE ALL screw up and make mistakes.
When my two kids were home, I looked forward to decorating, inside and out, each and every holiday season. October 1st began the decorating season in our household. I loved putting the “blow ups” in the yard and changing the inside just enough to show each holiday off as a family to enjoy together.
When the day after Thanksgiving came around it was time to begin decorating our Christmas tree. Their dad and I always put the tree up together and we’d get it wrapped with its garland until our kids were old enough to help. Then I’d sit in the floor and carefully pull out each ornament to make sure each one had a hook or ribbon to be hung with. As I would hand them off to each child and their dad for them to hang on the tree, I had the pleasure of sitting and enjoying my view of them from the floor. That’s a treasured memory in my mind each and every Christmas season now that both kids are grown, married, and have a child of their own. I sometimes wonder if they, once their children are old enough, will carry on any of the traditions that we had created together when they were growing up at home.
As an empty nester now, each year I see so many different themes of beautifully decorated Christmas trees and I think to myself “maybe this year I’ll do something different with mine” but I can’t bring myself to do it. Once the decorations for each holiday has been gotten out of storage, there go all of my memories, and I decide to keep my tree decorated exactly how it’s been decorated each year previously only to add one or two ornaments for that particular year.
Such lonesome frustration comes up during the process and begins to create a feeling of dread and why bother when no one is here to enjoy it with these days.
My thoughts and feelings are so different than they used to be. Now I have wishes and/or prayers that my husband, kids, and grand kids could be home especially this time of year to enjoy the process with, that I almost decide to not even decorate at all. As if the part of digging all of the decorations out of the garage isn’t painful enough, there’s the putting the tree together and making sure it’s all connected correctly. Then plugging it in to see the beauty of the lights come to life, thankfully my tree has the lights already on it, only to begin separating the branches as to fill in the “big” holes. Now begins the true headache of separating each ornament and finding the hook that I purposely left on it while disassembling the previous year.
While separating each ornament is not my favorite thing to do, each year I am reminded of so many memories that come back to life in my mind all over again; memories that are not a part of my day to day living anymore. While carefully hanging each ornament on just the right branch to be sure it hangs properly, it’s placement on each branch is very important to me. The ornament has to be hung in such a way to display the correct side of the ornament and not spin around to face the inside of the tree. While the tree topper is not the same each year, it has to be placed in just the right way to be seen when looking directly on the “front side”. Once the decorating is complete with the mess is all cleaned up, only then do I get to enjoy the full beauty of it all as a whole.
I love sitting, as close as my furniture placement allows, beside my beautifully decorated Christmas tree and embracing each and every memory that’s been made over the years. My all time favorite ornaments are the ones that are homemade by each child of mine. I look forward to those that I pray to receive from each grand child to be added some day. Each and every ornament placed on my tree brings back a different memory to the frontal lobes of my mind that’s been filed away with the packing it all up the year before.
So while the dread of putting all the decorations out without my family together isn’t always enjoyable for me, once it’s completed, there’s nothing I enjoy more than sitting beside my very own tree in complete silence with only the lights blinking in the darkness of the room and looking at each individual ornament only to revisit its purpose and meaning for being hung on that branch. There is no other theme that I can visualize for my Christmas tree of memories.
So tell me, what does your Christmas tree mean to you?
Do you ever wonder what God means by something spoken to you by The Holy Spirit?
The other morning I was driving to work and decided to turn my radio off and ride to town in silence. I was simply talking out loud letting the Lord know that I was driving my 30 minute journey to work in silence with full expectation of hearing Him and nothing else. I stopped talking and simply listened. So often we are constantly listening to music, tv, etc, or surfing the web, Facebook, YouTube, etc and we forgot to simply listen to God. ✋ Anyone? 🤚
So that particular morning I wanted to hear from only God. I’ve been, and continue, praying and seek His advice but I haven’t heard a response or maybe I just haven’t been listening for one. After have been driving for about ten minutes already in silence, I came to the point where I usually get to as the sun is in the process of rising. I turned and looked out my passenger window to see it’s beauty, as I always do, but that morning was different than any of them. That morning I seen the beams of light shining beautifully as the hint of sun was beginning to peek over the horizon. The grass glistened from the shine and the road seemed to never end. And it was in that very moment, that God spoke to me ever so plainly. Had I have been listening to the radio, as I do most every morning, I’d have probably missed it. I might’ve missed hearing The Lord over the radio chatter plainly speak the words “Rise Up” to me through The Holy Spirit that dwells within me. And I’ve heard it every day since.
However, I’m not sure yet what exactly God is telling me by those two simple words. Who knew two words could be so hard to understand.
There are a few specific things I pray about and have for quite some time. I know that God is referencing my prayers but I just do not know how to “Rise Up” exactly in the way God intends for me to.
I am now praying for clarity in His response, while listening more often, in total and complete silence.
Do you ever feel like you’re at a fork in your road of life and so fearful of picking the wrong path that you choose to stay straight?
I believe it’s the salad fork that has three prongs. While I’ve never understood the logic in the different prongs on forks, for this particular analogy I’m gonna choose the three pronged fork.
Suppose each individual prong is guiding you into different demential places of your life. For me, one prong continues on the path I’m on right now. I continue to follow it daily and do what is expected of me. Sure I’m happy on this path, because it makes everyone happy around me, but it’s kinda boring. That’s the middle prong. There’s no curves, it’s the strongest supported prong of the three, but it is very straight forward. Then there’s the option to choose the right prong. In the right direction, there’s a little bit of a curve but I’d be goin down a path that God has for me, which is ever changing and rarely seems to make sense to the humanist parts in me yet gets me excited about living. Then there’s a third prong that curves toward the left. Now that’s the prong that would definitely be most confusing to me. Following down the left prong would lead me in a direction that would destroy the very part of me that God wants to use. It would cause me to begin tearing apart at the seams little by little. I would eventually be led away from everything that I know and love. All of the “familiar” in life would be lost. Sure it’d be fun and adventurous for a time but eventually I’d get lonely and have regret. None of those attributes comes from God so I have no desire for that path. So in my fork in life there’s the one path that I know for sure I don’t ever wanna go down.
Now I’m left with only two prongs to choose from. There’s the path I’m on in the middle that is the most stable and less terrifying because I know what to expect on it and it’s comfortable. Then there’s the scary path for me. The one that I know I’m called to be on but am terrified to choose because of the fear of the unknown and I don’t know hows. I feel like I’d have no sense of direction but it’s the path of obedience and the one I should be on, even at the risk of failure.
While I do love change and challenges in life, the scariest change for me is the fear of losing those that I love and feeling like a failure all over again. In that fear, it keeps me on the path of least resistance. It also causes me to miss out on so many blessings that God has for me. I know He has blessings awaiting me because He has shown them to me. What I don’t know is how to let go and let God work His magic. How do I follow a path that I fear of messing up on? I don’t wanna let God down again. I don’t wanna fail with something He’s entrusted me with again.
How do I trust God more than I doubt myself? I allow myself to cause such self doubt that it has me paralyzed. Having such doubt and absolutely no confidence in myself of choosing the “right thing” from God, and knowing how to do what He’s requesting of me, that is keeping me on the middle prong in my own fork in the road.
I hope we all enjoy our Memorial Day but please don’t say to have a happy one.
It’s not such a “Happy” day for oh so many of those loved ones left behind. I pray that each one of them have peace in their hearts knowing their soldier, marine, airman, etc., died knowing the sacrifices they chose would forever reign. I would to say a heartfelt thank you to them all.
I watched a movie this evening that I had watched before but forgotten most of the scenes of. After it started I remembered the story line but decided to watch it again anyway just to refresh my memory of how it all played out. Plus, I figured, given that it’s also a comedy it’s a win win cuz who doesn’t love to laugh right!?!
Without going into the name of it, it’s actors, etc., I’ll attempt to sum it up in a brief explanation, to the best of my ability, and make the point that I got out of it.
The movie from my prospective, in short, is about a woman that has excelled in her career without having had much education at all. However, in her attempt to “climb the ladder” of her success it seems she had hit a rather unremovable road block. Her life long bff helps persuade her into taking a job that she had acquired through lies about her achievements. So while moving out the door of her stale career path and heading into a remarkable world of opportunity that turned out to be, in the end, the best thing that had ever happened to her she’s had a HUGE encounter with someone from her past. While falling in love with her new found daughter, she’d given up for adoption in her teenage years, she seems to have lost any future with the love of her life and boyfriend of five years. However, her career is at an all time high until…all the lies and hidden secrets begin to unravel.
Of course I’m leaving out the majority of the movie as to not ruin it for any of you that haven’t watched it. If you have watched it then you’ll know the movie I’m writing about and may decide to watch again yourself.
Now, stick with me and let’s move on.
The moral I got from the movie is sort of a “punch line” said during the movie by the boyfriend. Their relationship began on a lie, or rather a hidden secret that she never told him about, and one that she similarly repeats in the overwhelming love that she’s acquired for her new found daughter.
“No relationship based on lies will ever survive” packs a powerful punch to me. It is what the boyfriend says to her at one point during the movie. That statement has resonated with me ever since I heard him say it while watching the movie. It’s on repeat in my brain now as I’ve been pondering why it’s stuck there.
So let’s now shift from the movie and into my own life’s relationships. Again, without going into extreme details and, of course, no names will be given but it has given me one of those “💡” moments as it plays over and over again in my brain.
It has become one of those “TADAAAAA” moments to me all of a sudden but I now understand a particular relationship that I’ve been at such a loss about in my life for several years now. A relationship that started out beautifully but has become a thorn that I can’t seem to get to fester for healing. One that has destroyed a part of me that idk if I’ll ever be the same from. As I live and breathe it’s oxygen sucking toxicity at times, I have a love for it that is confusingly exhausting to me when I attempt to understand it. It’s one of those love/hate relationships that tonight I FINALLY get. I finally understand it somewhat 🙄 Duh 🤦♀️ It’s because ANY and all relationships built on lies will never last.