Tag Archives: trust

Fork In The Road

Do you ever feel like you’re at a fork in your road of life and so fearful of picking the wrong path that you choose to stay straight?

I believe it’s the salad fork that has three prongs. While I’ve never understood the logic in the different prongs on forks, for this particular analogy I’m gonna choose the three pronged fork.

Suppose each individual prong is guiding you into different demential places of your life. For me, one prong continues on the path I’m on right now. I continue to follow it daily and do what is expected of me. Sure I’m happy on this path, because it makes everyone happy around me, but it’s kinda boring. That’s the middle prong. There’s no curves, it’s the strongest supported prong of the three, but it is very straight forward. Then there’s the option to choose the right prong. In the right direction, there’s a little bit of a curve but I’d be goin down a path that God has for me, which is ever changing and rarely seems to make sense to the humanist parts in me yet gets me excited about living. Then there’s a third prong that curves toward the left. Now that’s the prong that would definitely be most confusing to me. Following down the left prong would lead me in a direction that would destroy the very part of me that God wants to use. It would cause me to begin tearing apart at the seams little by little. I would eventually be led away from everything that I know and love. All of the “familiar” in life would be lost. Sure it’d be fun and adventurous for a time but eventually I’d get lonely and have regret. None of those attributes comes from God so I have no desire for that path. So in my fork in life there’s the one path that I know for sure I don’t ever wanna go down.

Now I’m left with only two prongs to choose from. There’s the path I’m on in the middle that is the most stable and less terrifying because I know what to expect on it and it’s comfortable. Then there’s the scary path for me. The one that I know I’m called to be on but am terrified to choose because of the fear of the unknown and I don’t know hows. I feel like I’d have no sense of direction but it’s the path of obedience and the one I should be on, even at the risk of failure.

While I do love change and challenges in life, the scariest change for me is the fear of losing those that I love and feeling like a failure all over again. In that fear, it keeps me on the path of least resistance. It also causes me to miss out on so many blessings that God has for me. I know He has blessings awaiting me because He has shown them to me. What I don’t know is how to let go and let God work His magic. How do I follow a path that I fear of messing up on? I don’t wanna let God down again. I don’t wanna fail with something He’s entrusted me with again.

How do I trust God more than I doubt myself? I allow myself to cause such self doubt that it has me paralyzed. Having such doubt and absolutely no confidence in myself of choosing the “right thing” from God, and knowing how to do what He’s requesting of me, that is keeping me on the middle prong in my own fork in the road.

Relationships

Even when it hurts…

I watched a movie this evening that I had watched before but forgotten most of the scenes of. After it started I remembered the story line but decided to watch it again anyway just to refresh my memory of how it all played out. Plus, I figured, given that it’s also a comedy it’s a win win cuz who doesn’t love to laugh right!?!

Without going into the name of it, it’s actors, etc., I’ll attempt to sum it up in a brief explanation, to the best of my ability, and make the point that I got out of it.

The movie from my prospective, in short, is about a woman that has excelled in her career without having had much education at all. However, in her attempt to “climb the ladder” of her success it seems she had hit a rather unremovable road block. Her life long bff helps persuade her into taking a job that she had acquired through lies about her achievements. So while moving out the door of her stale career path and heading into a remarkable world of opportunity that turned out to be, in the end, the best thing that had ever happened to her she’s had a HUGE encounter with someone from her past. While falling in love with her new found daughter, she’d given up for adoption in her teenage years, she seems to have lost any future with the love of her life and boyfriend of five years. However, her career is at an all time high until…all the lies and hidden secrets begin to unravel.

Of course I’m leaving out the majority of the movie as to not ruin it for any of you that haven’t watched it. If you have watched it then you’ll know the movie I’m writing about and may decide to watch again yourself.

Now, stick with me and let’s move on.

The moral I got from the movie is sort of a “punch line” said during the movie by the boyfriend. Their relationship began on a lie, or rather a hidden secret that she never told him about, and one that she similarly repeats in the overwhelming love that she’s acquired for her new found daughter.

“No relationship based on lies will ever survive” packs a powerful punch to me. It is what the boyfriend says to her at one point during the movie. That statement has resonated with me ever since I heard him say it while watching the movie. It’s on repeat in my brain now as I’ve been pondering why it’s stuck there.

So let’s now shift from the movie and into my own life’s relationships. Again, without going into extreme details and, of course, no names will be given but it has given me one of those “💡” moments as it plays over and over again in my brain.

It has become one of those “TADAAAAA” moments to me all of a sudden but I now understand a particular relationship that I’ve been at such a loss about in my life for several years now. A relationship that started out beautifully but has become a thorn that I can’t seem to get to fester for healing. One that has destroyed a part of me that idk if I’ll ever be the same from. As I live and breathe it’s oxygen sucking toxicity at times, I have a love for it that is confusingly exhausting to me when I attempt to understand it. It’s one of those love/hate relationships that tonight I FINALLY get. I finally understand it somewhat 🙄 Duh 🤦‍♀️ It’s because ANY and all relationships built on lies will never last.

What a powerful statement that is.

Nehemiah

Gods Word

Have you ever read through the entire book of Nehemiah in the Bible?

Well, I hadn’t until tonight.

So so good!

In reading through Nehemiah tonight I’ve come to realize that lots of the same struggles I, and the world, face day to day is very similar to what they faced in the days Jesus walked the earth.

Is that not weirdly exciting to you! I mean we aren’t facing a single thing that hasn’t already been faced and walked through with God. That’s absolutely GOOD GOOD NEWS y’all!

Any-who; As I was reading, one of things that stuck out to me the most is how Nehemiah would pray before each response to the enemies. I highlighted each prayer he said so that I can read them easily, especially at a quick glance.

Oh how I pray I can be more like Nehemiah, not only in his praying but in his faithfulness to God Almighty.

“Our God will fight for us!” 4:20b

What a great role model.

Below is my favorite prayer that I read in the book of Nehemiah. I pray that it blesses you as it did me.

Part1:Just read the highlighted prayer. It’s a fantastic read…
Part2:Finish it; Be blessed

Be sure to read the entire book as not to pick and choose the scriptures out of context.

Peace and blessings to ya, Louann

Thanksgiving 2020

Happy Thanksgiving 🦃

In light of the year it’s been, this Thanksgiving’s “thankful for’s” could be very different from years past. I know mine is but in everything we are to be thankful.

“Rejoice always and delight in your faith; be unceasing and persistent in prayer; in every situation [no matter what the circumstances] be thankful and continually give thanks to God; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.”
‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:16-18‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Scripture tells us that Jesus will have a second coming and that we should be prepared for that day, every day, because we do not know the day nor the hour of His return.

“But of that [exact] day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son [in His humanity], but the Father alone. For the coming of the Son of Man (the Messiah) will be just like the days of Noah.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭24:36-37‬ ‭AMP‬‬

So for 2020’s world changing year, I am thankful that Jesus has given me a second (multiple) chance (chances) to get my affairs in order. While I am saved, this trying year has taught me that I need to prepare more than ever for Jesus’ return. Some things I thought were important to me aren’t as important as I thought while other things I thought weren’t so important are very important. Thank you Jesus for never giving up on me!

So, what are you thankful for this year? Comment below…

Broken and Beautiful

Kelly Clarkson sings a song called “Broken and Beautiful” and it is so relatable for me because I feel so broken, most days, these days BUT GOD and loved ones y’all; right!?!

Broken and Beautiful (YouTube screen shot)

I live with lots of chronic pain in my entire body, due to a few medical issues, that causes me to live with so much pain around the clock. Some days it’s “hide-ably” tolerable and some days it hurts to just wake up! Lots of days, I just wanna sleep and not wake up until the pain hurts no more.

So many Dr’s!!!!! So many surgeries!!!!! So many “Let’s Try This!” So many “Lets Run This Test.” So many “Xrays and blood work!” So many unknowns but let’s keep seeking for answers until I am so sick of it all!!!!!😫

My most recent surgery, just 5 weeks ago, was for them to put in a nerve stimulator implant in my back. For those that don’t know what that is, it’s a machine that’s basically an internal Tens Unit that blocks the nerve signals that go to my brain telling my brain that I feel pain. While it has helped, it’s not as helpful as we’d hoped. I would say it’s helped by maybe 30% when it’s turned on.

As I type this, it’s 2:20 A M and I can’t sleep. And since I’m awake, I feel the aches and burns going on through out my entire body. In my shoulders, arms and hands I feel aches, throbs, burns, down to my finger bones hurting so bad at times that I just shake them off and hang them down to my sides for a few seconds of that momentary cold sensational relief. Some times I just wanna take em off and set em aside for a bit, swap em out with another pair, massage them momentarily, just something for some kind of relief! This is not what the stimulator is for, that’s for my feet, legs, lower back, and hip pain (which didn’t help my left hip much at all). To be fair though, I rarely mention my shoulders, hands, and arm pains at all because there’s so much other crap that hurts way worse.

I don’t know how to explain it, all I can say is I just HURT ALL OVER and I don’t know why. I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want more freaking medicine. I don’t want another dang surgery. I rarely even want to be touched but I don’t want to be rude. I don’t want to seem mean to any one. I don’t want to hurt anyones feelings. I don’t want to hurt anymore PERIOD! So, to avoid things in this paragraph, I stay home a lot more.

So much of this unexplainable pain just makes me so danged irritable at times. I have gotten to where I just avoid being around people and certain situations all together. I rarely get out and about by myself anymore because I never know from moment to moment what I’m going to be able to tolerate because the pain changes from day to day through out each and every single day. Simply put; I just hurt and I don’t want it to become an excuse for any thing in my life but it’s very debilitating at times. Thankfully though the migraines have almost completely stopped since my neck surgery was done in December of last year. So that’s a positive praise! Thank you Jesus!

I just simply have “unexplainable chronic pain” that’s un-relatable to anyone and everyone around me therefore it’s hard for you to understand. Just know that some days are good days for me and some days are bad but more often than not I just “fake the smiles” to make it through the day with as little complaining as possible because I don’t want to be a burdensome person to anyone. However, I do love deeply and I want y’all to know that I truly appreciate ALL of the prayers and support from you all! I feel ya 🤟♥️

To those of you that do show me true genuine love and support (not just when ya want something) through all of the “maybe this’ll help” processes that I continue to go through to find relief, I love you from the depth of my being and I apologize for not being able to physically help any of you but I do pray that I’m there for you, as you are for me, to the best of my abilities because without God and y’all I don’t know how I’d cope with this life.

So thanks for just being your true selves y’all 😊 #ILYMTTYBLTT❤️

Purpose for Pain

Oddly Enough devotion by Carolanne Miljavac

When we take our eyes off Jesus and focus on self, most of this worldly pain is unbearable.

We must continue the path that God has us on because only He knows the lessons we are to learn and the many lives that’ll be touched by our obedience to Him.

Pain hurts, no matter the reasoning! The lack of understanding that we have toward said pain is why we begin to question God and what He’s allowing to take place in our lives. It’s not until we begin to fully trust Him that the pain becomes tolerable.

Keep your eyes off the world! Stay true to who you are in Christ! While things won’t always make sense, it’ll always be worth it because there’s always life lessons to learn that’ll strengthen our trust and faith in Jesus.

Heartbroken

I don’t know how I’m suppose to feel but I can tell you how I do feel.

A couple of days ago now the news was shared, on a Facebook group that I’m in, about a wreck that took place locally. There were only four comments posted before the comment thread had been turned off as to not allow any more comments, yet the headline simply read “Car Accident” with the picture below attached to it.

Injury Accident.
Pick up truck vs car.

Accidents, in many forms, come about so frequently these days that I never stop to ponder any more if it could be anyone that I may know. I just always have the mind set, with technology today, that surely I’d know by now if it was anyone that I’m close to or related to.

When I read headlines and/or comments about anything like this that takes place, I immediately feel sad for those involved, in any way, but I will usually pray something simple like “God please be with those affected by this and allow them to all be okay” and scroll on as I did with this one.

When my daughter was little she was very active in little league softball, summer league tournament softball, Jr High and High school softball, as well as dance, and even cheerleading. All the way up through her senior year she remained very active in softball and dance, in any way she possibly could, because they were her two favorite things to do. So there were so many of her coaches, teachers, class mates, and even parents that have touched my life and have remained a part of my heart even after all of these years.

Through out my daughters upbringing, she is now 23 and married herself, many of her classmates will forever remain in my heart as I’ve been able to share in their own upbringing and life experiences not only through real life but also through social media life. This allows me to still be able to smile for the joys in their lives and makes me feel that I still get to be a small part of their own life happenings. Through this, even when they don’t know it, I’m cheering them on like I used to do from the side lines and I still get to witness and share in their own life happiness. That’s one of the biggest perks of social media in my opinion.

But rarely do I get to witness or get to be a small part of their heartbreaks and life shattering moments. This is because most people, me included, don’t like to share the true vulnerable parts of their lives for the world to see. We don’t want to let people see inside of our pain and heartaches because they would for sure judge us. Plus that would taint our own outward image of ourselves that we want people to see right. Not that it’s a bad thing necessarily, it’s just how life works for so many of us in today’s world.

As I’m typing this, through so many tears flowing down my face, my own heart feels shattered into many pieces for one particular young lady and her family that touched my heart from my daughters upbringing. She has been a part of my heart from my daughters very first year of little league softball. “God please continue to wrap Your arms around them all as they need You now more than ever before!! In Jesus name I pray, Amen!”

Anyway, when I read that “Car Accident” headline never did I imagine that one of my daughters classmates lives, especially one that I have personally loved since they were in elementary school as well as loving her parents still to this day, would be changed forever!!

Not only are her and her fiancé new parents together but, after having read so many Facebook posts and comments, it seems as if they were the light of one another’s world. It appears as if they’ve been through so much with one another, good and bad, in such a short amount of time.

BUT GOD YALL!

It appears as if they’ve been able to overcome the world together with God as their anchor. God must’ve continued to bring them back to one another because, the way I understand what I was reading typed in their own words, it’s as if God intervened for their relationship to be. God must’ve brought them back to a sense of forgiveness and security with another because He completely healed their relationship for reasons unbeknownst to many of us looking into theirs lives through Facebook. It’s as if God continued to carry them through all the heartache and love the two of them have for one another and even gave them a beautiful baby girl to cherish together in that love. Both of them seem to give God all of the glory for their successful relationship and now parenthood as well.

And as I scrolled through Facebook, two days later now, for reasons that we are never meant to question or understand the three of them were involved in this car accident together as one happy little family only for the young man not to make it!?!

Like “WHAT”!?!

Instinctively I want to know why. I want to know what happened. I want the young lady to know how much I love her. I want her parents to know my heart is shattered with them. I want to know so much, as do so many others, but God doesn’t work the way we want Him to. He doesn’t allow us to know so many things because we wouldn’t be able to handle the answers given to us.

I don’t believe that God “allows” bad things to happen to us but I do believe that everything that happens to us, God uses for good.

So as I type this through the tears and continue to pray for all involved in any minuet way, the thing I want shared most of all, is that only God knows the answers to our why. Only God knows our future. Only God knows how long we get to live and love those that we do. Only God knows why bad things happen to good people every single day. Only God knows ALL things because we aren’t suppose to know! We couldn’t handle to know the answers to every why question that we have. What I do know is that, once the young lady heals and is released from the hospital, she and their daughter are gonna be okay…eventually.

Their baby girl was unharmed physically but she will forever now have to grow up without her biological father and the perks of having him be a active part in her life. So I pray that she grows up to know and cling to the only Father that she’ll ever need and that’s God The Father.

More of what I do know is that this family is a God fearing family that loves the Lord, even through their heartaches, with ever ounce of their being. I do know that their church family and community of loved ones will shower them with such agape love that they will overcome this tragedy and be stronger in their faith because of it. I do know that God will continue to help them heal as a family together. I do know that I am a better person having been able to know them and witness how they love God so deeply in their own walks of life. I do know that I am thankful that God put them in our lives so many years ago. And I do know that I will continue to pray for them, as well as everyone affected by this car accident, with every thought of them that I have.

My thoughts, prayers, and love go out to each of them as I continue to love and pray for them from a distance!

Worship at Home

I woke up this morning with the song “Build My Life” by Housefires in my heart. I don’t know about you but when I wake up with songs in my head like this, I have to listen to it multiple times right then because, to me, I take it as a sign from Holy Spirit that the lyrics are what He’s speaking to me in that moment.

There’s nothing like hearing from God through Holy Spirit!

What greater way to commune with God than worshipping our Lord in privacy, just you and Him, in your room. No eyes watchin you, just you and Holy!! DON’T WORSHIP FOR SHOW YALL! IF YOU CAN WORSHIP IN CHRUCH BUILDING BUT CAN’T WORSHIP IN PRIVATE, CHRCK YOUR HEART!

To me, it is sooooo much greater to worship our Lord and Savior in private y’all. There’s just a movement that is so powerful that it makes me cry, smile, laugh out loud, or fall to my knees in my prayer. There’s just nothing like feeling in tune with Jesus in private!

Once we build our foundation on the true roots of God Almighty, we can’t be shaken. No pain in the world, no holes in your heart, no ignorance of human, no feelings of not being worthy, no sadness in the world, nothin of man kind can tear us down!! Don’t turn your eyes from Jesus! Focus on The Holy Spirit that God fills us with, instead of the aches and pains in day to day life! Live for Jesus, not your kids, not work, not anything of this world!!! Live for Jesus each and every day and He will fill you with what’s needed! MAKE IT A FIRM FOUNDATION in Christ!! Plant the roots so deep in Jesus that not even your kids can reap benefits of hurting you anymore!!

Don’t allow any pain in your heart (what ever that is for you) to take over the roots in Christ!! Strengthen your roots in Christ by reading His Word and praising Him in worship!!

HOLY THERE IS NO ONE LIKE YOU; THERE IS NONE BESIDE YOU; FILL US WITH YOUR HEART LORD!!!
SHOW US ALL LORD!!! SHOW US WHO YOU ARE DURING THE TRIALS OF LIFE!!!!! HELP US TO PUT OUR TRUST IN YOU AND NOT BE SHAKEN!!! MAINTAIN OUR ROOT SYSTEM WITH YOUR LOVE!!! IN JESUS NAME, AMEN!!!

(Picture from Google search)

Just Venting

Can I just be honest for a sec….prob piss some of ya off but, ya know, THAT’S WHAT I DO anyway right so I might as well be honest…if ya love me, ya know my heart is always in the right place. You’ll either let it roll off or let it stick to ya. It’ll either make sense to you or not. And if it really pisses ya off, I just won’t hear from ya again right!?!

It’s what evvvssssss…

Any who, I’ve just watched this #RedNoseDay fundraiser and I love the comedy and the laughter it created this year. It’s really been very enjoyable to watch. Every year millions of dollars are raised to help children in need around the world and that’s great y’all, seriously I’m all for that! Kids do need help from adults every single day!

Moving on…

I get that #covid19 is horrible and it’s killing many people world wide (fact is, it’s not killing as many as what’s being reported because people every where are admitting to lying about it for the gain of money from the government) BUT WHERE ARE THE CELEBRITIES FOR HELPING THOSE DYING FROM ABUSE, SUICIDE, THOSE BABIES (HUMANS TOO) DYING FROM ABORTION, DYING FROM CAR WRECKS, DYING FROM OTHER ILLNESSES BESIDES CANCER(always helped and talked about. I don’t mean that derogatory; it’s a good thang), THAT LIST COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON…I MEAN SERIOUSLY YALL, C’MON ALREADY…ENOUGH WITH THE POUR PITIFUL CORONAVIRUS “INVASION”!!
PEOPLE EVERYWHERE ARE NOW USING CORONAVIRUS AS A TOOL AND TRYING TO MAKE THE WELL PEOPLE FEEL GUILTY OR SOMETHING FOR NOT BEING SICK! IT SUCKS!!! WE ALL KNOW IT SUCKS!!! BUT WE ARE SMART PEOPLES (well mostly)!! WE NOW KNOW WHAT HELPS AS A PREVENTATIVE! USE WHAT YOU’VE BEEN TAUGHT THAT WORKS!
It is sad that people are dying from it, but the MAJORITY of the ill people are NOT DYING from it. People everywhere are dying from much worse and the world hasn’t gone “ALL OUT” (literally) because of it. The world has kept going and living their lives because that’s what we do.
Help those ya can, pray for everyone, use your dadgum BRAINS (that God gave you) and try to prevent yourself and your family from getting sick (which we do every single day anyway) from COVID, or any other airborne illness that’s out there, and MOVE ON WITH LIFE!! If you’re alive, GOD AIN’T DONE WITH YOU YET!!! GET OUT THERE AND MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELVES! HELP OTHERS!! GET HELP IF YA NEED TO!!!

SHARE THE GOOD NEWS OF JESUS WITH ANYONE THAT’LL LISTEN!! LEAN OF GOD, NOT MANKIND!! MANKIND IS A DAILY LET DOWN….GOD WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU!!

Ok, I’m done now. I feel better getting that off my chest.

Peace and blessings to y’all.

Good night!

God Is Good

Have you ever wondered if God was paying attention to you and what’s going on in your life? Have you ever felt left out or ignored by Him? Boy, I sure have and not that long ago either.

There are times when I am just so unsure of anything and everything that is happening in and to me in life that it’s a struggle to even get out of bed of a morning.

But God y’all. But God is always working, even when we don’t see it.

Looking back at the most recent events in my life, there is no possible way to deny that God has been working the entire time. Scripture tells us what Jesus said to the Jews in John 5:17 (AMP). “But Jesus answered them, “My Father has been working until now [He has never ceased working], and I too am working.””

What a reassuring statement.

So many times we sit back and say we trust Jesus but our actions show otherwise. This is not pleasing to God or ourselves. We must always show that we trust in our Lord, even in times of struggle and ignorance.

My husband was laid off, with little to no warning, just a couple of months ago. We were panicked and unsure of what to do. We have to have income coming in to support our household expenses. I work but it’s only part time. That’s not nearly enough to carry us.

Thankfully God provided! And just in time too. Gods timing is always the perfect timing.

John 14:1 AMP, again with Jesus talking, says “Do not let your heart be troubled (afraid, cowardly). Believe [confidently] in God and trust in Him, [have faith, hold on to it, rely on it, keep going and] believe also in Me.”‬‬

My husband was able to get unemployment rather quickly, which is very rare. We had our first check within two weeks. And I was able to get more hours during the exact time frame that we needed, before being dropped back down to part time.

Totally God there y’all.

My husband began a new job April 1, making more money than he was and with the best benefits we’ve ever had before.

God had to remove my husband from his old job, use the six full weeks of unemployment to prepare him for the exact timing that God had set for him to begin a brand new job, in a totally new area, with all new people. And he’s loving it.

Sometimes change is good so keep an open mind when changes occur. Ask God what He wants you to do. God was working in our lives behind the scenes the entire time and He continues to do so every moment of every day.

God is so good y’all! All the time.

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