Fear

Have you ever read words on paper but felt like the person that did the writing was sitting across from you as the words on each page illuminated as if they were “spoken” directly to you? ME TOO!! Happen to me just tonight, as a matter of fact.

I am reading through a book called “She Laughs” written by CA Miljavac. Initially I began to read it because I was on her launch team. I, along with hundreds of others, was asked to help share our thoughts on social media, and by writing a few reviews, about her book release happening on New Years Day of Twenty Twenty. I have enjoyed being a part of it all. I’ve even enjoyed reading the book so much so that I’ve continued reading it on my kindle app as well as a hard copy I bought. There are times that I can’t help but to literally laugh out loud as I’ve keep reading it. I love that she has the ability to write like a true friend would be speaking to her BFF, well how I do anyway; very blunt and straight forward. As I continue to read along, in each chapter Carolanne’s writing makes me feel like I’m her BFF and she’s being a hundred percent honest with me about her thoughts.

Tonight as I was reading through chapter four, everything was so relatable to me that it was like she and I were sitting across the table from one another as she was giving me advice for procrastinating from fear. As I read each page, I began highlighting sentences that I could easily and quickly reread once I finish the book. The more I read, the more I was highlighting until it felt as if I was highlighting at least one sentence on every single page. I would change the colors from time to time to show myself, when I go back and reread them, where to separate each thought. I truly don’t know how many sentences that I’ve gotten lit up on my kindle so far in just four chapters, it’s quite a few, and I’ve still got six more chapters of reading to go. Thankfully the kindle won’t run out of ink in its highlighters like I do when highlighting in a real book. I love to mark sentences as they speak to me in what ever book I’m reading. It helps me to quickly go back and proofread after I’m finished with each book to know what I got out of it.

In tonight’s reading of chapter four, the whole “not letting fear stop you” that Carolanne writes about is SOOOOO speaking to me. I won’t share to much of her writing because you really should read the book yourself.

I’ve let fear prevent me from completing a project that God has laid on my heart, a few years back now. Daily, for the past few months, it comes to my forethought even when I’m just sitting down to watch television. Tonight, as I read, I now know what my issue is for not completing the task. FEAR!

Ive let fear take over my thoughts by listening to “you’re not good enough”, “you’re a no body”, “you can’t do this”, etc. I’ve allowed the negative thoughts in my head to control my progress and I need prayer to help me succeed. I’ve yet allowed myself to follow through and complete it because I am so afraid to let God down. My fear of “not wanting to” let Him down is letting Him and myself down. I’ve allowed fear such control over me that it has stopped me from following through with completing the goal. I tell myself “it isn’t God that you don’t trust, it’s just myself that I don’t trust” but in actuality it is me not fully trusting in God to work through me one hundred percent. I say “I trust you Lord” but my actions prove otherwise. Philippians 4:13 says “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.” When I allow myself to fear letting Christ down, I am allowing the enemy to rob me of so many blessings that I could be receiving during, and even after, completing the task at hand.

If you struggle with fear and doubt of your own capabilities, join me in praying: “Lord forgive me for ever doubting You and Your abilities of what You can do in me through You in the process of doubting my self. I realize I’ve let myself down. Give me courage and wisdom to finish what we started together. I trust You and I want to be used as Your vessel. In Jesus name I pray, Amen”

Thank you to Carolanne for being the kind of friend I needed in telling me what I needed to hear tonight through your writing. I pray that I will be that kind of Author to others as well.